The Howling of the Wolf

Last weekend was just fabulous in so many ways. For one, I left my house BOTH days. For two, I got to spend time with my lovely daughter Caitlin and for three, we had our first meeting of the group who will be studying the Path of the White Wolf course with me.

Saturday morning I had my usual lazy morning in bed drinking coffee served by a sexy Scotsman. In the afternoon Norm and I popped into Hout Bay as I had a few things I needed to buy for my course and did not want to stress Norm out with just tossing him a list and letting him try to find them as I was very particular about what I wanted. Also Norm promised me lunch as he knows that much like a starving bear after a Winter’s hibernation, food is the best lure to get me out of my cave.

We headed down to the HB village which has a little shopping centre and I went right to one of my fave quirky little shops ‘Colours‘. They sell a lot of locally made products and a wide variety of odds and ends and I always find something there.

We bought a cute little stuffed elephant for Norm to take to the US with him on his next visit as a gift for Olivia, our gorgeous little baby cousin. I found a small leather bag exactly the size I wanted as a medicine bag and I also found a nice sized lovely shweshwe cloth covered notebook for my study notes. I had wanted one with something Native American-ish or wolf-ish on it but I could not find one but since I am studying in Africa, and especially in South Africa, I decided that maybe the SA based fabric was actually perfect and Norm got it for me.

Last week I mentioned that I needed to take an object with me that will attend all of the zoom meetings and face to face sessions with me. I discovered that the purpose of this object is that it will store all of the knowledge from the sessions and it shall help me to access that information.

I love that it is a stone with the powers it has now that I know it’s purpose. I picked the perfect one (or it picked me?).

While shopping, Norm and I had looked around for loose tobacco to keep in my medicine bag for offerings to the spirits and ancestors, but we had no luck at that particular centre. But when Norm went out on Sunday he found some for me! It just so happens to fit perfectly in my medicine bag. He is so thoughtful.

We finished our other errands and then we went for a quick bite at Allegria Café. As we were having Cait over for dinner that evening we did not want to eat much. I just chucked off half the bread and ate the rest. The salad was lovely and fresh.

After lunch we headed home. Norm cleaned as he loves to do. I finished watching Perfect Match on Netflix. OMG what a bunch of horrendous humans. I will not tell you who wins as that would be mean but my theory throughout the show was that they were all faking it for the sake of the cash. Now that I finished the series and have googled who is still together after the show, I feel vindicated in my opinions. I give it a 3.5 Kitten Stars because it kept me interested but it really is dreadful #ButILoveThatSmut ⭐⭐⭐✨

That evening when Caitlin came over she fancied a curry so Norm went to get curry from Indian Oven for us but I forgot to snap pics, trust me when I say it was delicious!

Caitlin brought over the pillow that she had embroidered for me. I adore birds and especially hummingbirds so I will cherish this. She is so talented when it comes to anything artistic.

The next morning I had a lazy start and left about 11am to drive out to Tass’, my teacher’s house. When I arrived I trotted off down her goat track to her little treehouse. She gave me a good smudge and then I excitedly gave her the belated birthday present I had for her. I had bought a gorgeous, silky soft black sheepskin as I knew she had wanted one but I had also known she was saving her money for travel and would not treat herself. She deserved one so now she has one! If she moves it will go with her to remind her that she is loved in SA. Tass smudged the skin and then she used it on her seat for the class.

I also took my sheepskins and used them to sit on. Mine go everywhere with me as they are so soft and comforting.

There were 3 other women who were joining us and they all arrived soon after I did. We sat in a circle on the floor and Tass introduced the overall concept of the class and then we all introduced ourselves. We come from various backgrounds and are a wide range of ages from 20s to 80s (I am very bad at guessing age ladies, no shade intended if far off!) but we all bonded quickly. This group will be my tribe for the next 7 months.

Midway we broke for tea and a bite to eat as we had all taken food to share. I took some cut mango and melon and a ready prepared salad of couscous and veg. Most people were sensible and took things that did not need utensils or even a plate. Next time I will plan better but the fruit was delicious. I never eat fruit since I am mostly low sugar but my body called for it when I walked past. We also had milk tart, various little savoury tidbits and some gorgeous fresh vegetable filled croissants. It was all rather yummy.

We did a little bit more work after we finished eating. Tass explained a lot to us about energy and spirit and that the Native American belief is based on this concept, that everything holds a spirit or a soul (or as a scientific Virgo I also think of it as ‘energy’). This belief system is called ‘Animism‘. I have always believed this. I have always held conversations with animals and plants and trees. As an only child wandering our 20 acres of woodland I was a pretty wild child. I always pretended to be a Native American with her wolf pack in tow as I always had at least one dog wandering the land with me. Sometimes I crawled on all fours and pretended to be the actual wolf. I still love to howl.

We have been given homework. We need to do a sort of ‘life road map’ where we trace our lives from birth until now and mark all of the key impact points on it, such as deaths, births, trauma or other important events which relate to love or grief. It is called a ‘Descanso’. The word Descanso is a Spanish word that literally means peace or tranquility, however when it is applied to a place it means “Place of rest.” According to the Friends of the Descanso Library, the word Descanso first appeared on a county map around 1879. Long before that, it was the home of Kwaaymii (a sub-band of the Kumeyaay) Indians.

The point is to identify each of the moments of impact, such as something that caused us pain or trauma and to acknowledge them and to ultimately heal them. Each human has certain limited patterns and painful experiences only they can transform. The goal is to Love yourself free of imagined limitation. One of the women mentioned that FEAR stood for False Evidence Appearing Real. In other words we are only limited or restricted by our minds, and the issue is that our minds often store erroneous information due to past trauma. Or we are living mentally in the future and imagining things that most likely will never happen. Either situation is usually rooted in trauma. So as I often talk about digging down to find the thorn at the root of your trauma, it is exactly that concept.

As always my morning message from Peggy Black was spot on:

“You personally, and humanity at large, have the opportunity to observe where you are holding limited thought patterns and emotional defensive patterns that are vibrating at the low, dense, slow frequencies. When your physical, mental, and emotional states are uncomfortable, that is a red flag, a sign post that is your celestial self pointing the finger to where there is resistance and an energetic blockage. Release these old patterns of limitation in thoughts and feelings.”

The other term I am trying to eliminate is ‘Trigger’. It was suggested that we switch it to ‘Keys’ because it resonates more in the direction of serving as a key to unlock whatever trauma that lives in the shadows and makes us react or feel a certain way. It is in the shadows that the healing happens.

Anyway, I must not do my usual and get sucked down the research rabbit hole, I need to do the actual homework so wish me luck! I am pretty old so that is a lot of dates! I started off on listing them all on a spreadsheet and I will transfer them to a paper record. Norm bought a nice large pad for me to use.

Tass’ view off of her back patio is such a beautiful setting. I stopped and snapped a few pics of the drive home too.

I was feeling mentally fabulous but physically knackered when I got home. Norm picked up a take away and we zombied out and watched a bit of telly. The funny thing was my back was killing me from sitting on the wooden floor for 3 hours and the following day I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a bus, my hips and back were feeling so tight like my back might actually go out. But then when I woke on Wednesday I felt loose as a goose, so this tells me I need to do more sitting on the floor. #AddsToList

I mentioned that on Monday we were supposed to have a National Shutdown which was being pushed by the EFF party to ‘protest’ lack of electricity supply and corruption of the governing party, the ANC. Both things are really rubbish but protesting will just cause other issues.

On Tuesday I was off of work as it was a public holiday. March 21 is Freedom Day in South Africa, here is a link about it. I have also written about it many times since I moved to SA, here is a link to one of my previous blogs.

Norm went off to the shops and then had a meeting online so I just chilled out and watched my birds and listened to my bees and drank too much coffee. I meditated for a bit for healing of a friend.

When I mentioned to Tass about how loose my hips felt after 3 hours of sitting on the floor at her house, she instructed me to spend 15 to 30 minutes sitting outside on the ground every day. I assume this is both for stretching and for connecting to Mother Earth or just to keep me still for a bit! So I started this week. I’ve done it every day except when it rained.

There are a few pics in this post below because as soon as I sat, Pixie decided this was handy and she wanted to nestle in my lap. Eventually she got too warm in the sun and drifted off and then Lola came to join me. I made a point of stretching my hips so let’s hope this helps with my hip and back pain. Either way, I made a promise to do everything I am asked to do in this course so here I sit!

I had another amazing moment when praying on my hill this week. I was facing the bird feeders and giving thanks for the beautiful birds that visit me and I said ‘the birds must know that I will never hurt them’ and as the words left my mouth, in flew three little birds which landed on the feeder right in front of me!

Wednesday evening there is usually live singing at one of our fave venues, Massimo’s. We do not often go but as one of the managers is leaving to work elsewhere in Hout Bay, and it was the last one with Anton as the ‘MC/host/whatever voodoo that he do’ we booked to go and join them. I was teasing Norm about him getting up to the mike and singing to me, he has a lovely voice but there is not enough alcohol in Hout Bay for that to happen.

I did my stretches and Norm walked the beast and we were down there for just past 7pm. The place was packed! We were seated at the back of the restaurant.

We were quickly served drinks and the music had already started so we settled in to enjoy it.

Norm ordered the special, Vitello Milanese which is his favourite dish of theirs. It is like Italian schnitzel. It came with mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables.

I spent forever looking at the menu (which I pretty much know by heart) as I was determined to try something new. In the end I ordered what I often order but I did chuck in some mozzarella balls since we usually have take out and they do not travel well but I love them. I forgot to tell them no pesto sauce. IMO it would be gorgeous with some marinara sauce or something tomatoey. They make the best real fries, with the peel and shaped like a potato! It was all delicious but I could not finish it (usual story).

There is always such a vibe created by live music. Often in South Africa they play a lot of songs I do not even know but I knew almost all of the songs Anton played (other than the one you had to guess to win a shot).

When the couple at the table in front of us left we moved forward so that we could see the performers. We even decided to stay for dessert. Usually we are an ‘eat and leave’ type as we do not trust the dogs on their own but we were enjoying ourselves so we chilled.

They had crème brûlée on the specials menu. That is one of my absolute fave things in the universe so I had to order it and I was so glad I did. The top was a solid sheet of crispy, crunchy sugar topping and the bottom was so rich and creamy and delicious.

Norm ordered his fave, the tiramisu. I should have put my flash on, oops. But Norm loved it, eating it in the dark or not, he was pleased.

Afterwards Massimo treated us to ‘The Escobar’ an orange liqueur fireball thing (by us I mean ‘me’ as Norm was like ‘hell to the no’ on anything flaming). I wish I had filmed the process but basically the waiter brought a jar of liqueur stacked with loads of sugar cubes. He took one out on a long spoon, lit it on fire and waited for the booze to burn off and for the fire to die down then handed it to me. I put it on my tongue to melt and it released a lovely orange sweet firey taste. Yum!

We give our night 4.5 Kitten Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐✨. We had a lovely evening and made a vow to go out more often.

Today I was up and out early to attend the Soul Circle women’s group. It was pouring rain so we held it inside for the first time. Today’s subject was ‘The Four Agreements‘ from the self-help book by don Miguel Ruiz. His website says “The book offers a code of conduct claiming to be based on ancient Toltec wisdom that advocates freedom from self-limiting beliefs that may cause suffering and limitation in a person’s life.”

It explains that from the age where we become ‘conscious’ and autonomous from our mother/parent, which is usually around the age of 2ish, we are conditioned into accepting various self-limiting beliefs by things such as religion, society and our families. Beliefs and conditions about who we should be, how we should behave, what we should do in our lives, what the ‘normal’ path in life is.

At that age we start to develop a pattern of self judgement and self blame when we do not adhere to this construct. This can be about our gender, our sexuality, our appearance, our abilities, our personalities, our intellect or anything else. For example we hear from a parent that we ‘cannot sing’ or ‘cannot dance’ and we spend our lives avoiding both of these activities, even if they bring us joy. If we hear often that we are stupid, we may avoid anything which challenges us intellectually. If we hear we are unattractive or boring we sometimes deliver the worst version of ourselves almost as a self fulfilling prophecy, or to show we have bought into that belief almost to ‘say it ourselves’ before someone else can hurt us by saying it to us.

The way to happiness and self-acceptance is to stop limiting yourself and to not let other people determine who you are, how you wish to live your life, what career you want, or where you wish to live or who you live with or any other belief that you have adopted which no longer fits.

Basically these are the agreements you should make with yourself and do your best to adhere to.

Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally.
Agreement 3: Don’t Make Assumptions.
Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best.

I struggle with not taking anything personally and the goal there is to reach a point of being able to turn victimhood into compassion. Instead of saying ‘that person is treating me so badly’ try to reframe it into ‘that person must be having a hard time today’ as it is often nothing to do with us and all to do with the person involved.

The book also talks about SIN being nothing to do with God (whom I believe is an all loving God). It is anything that goes against your SELF. As long as we operate out of pure intent then we are living our best true life.

There is a lot more on each of these agreements which I may write about in the future but I think this is enough for now as I want to ponder each of these points a bit deeper.

It was lovely to see the group. I love them all so much. It always introduces new thought processes and perspectives and I think I always come away a little bit healed in some small way or another. Even if it is just the communion of all of that strong gentle warrior energy.

For now I am going to make a coffee and snuggle up with the kitties and watch a film as the weather is grim. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and week ahead.

Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox

NB: If you wish to study with the Rev Tass Two Crows Flying you can email her via or you can ring her and have a chat or even WhatsApp her if you are shy +27 84 408 9719.

One thought on “The Howling of the Wolf

  1. Pingback: Touching the Wounds – Kitten in the City

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