The Tears of a Clown

I have been on such a buzz with life at the moment. So many wonderful things are happening and the results of my intentions set recently are now coming at me quickly.

I asked for more women in my life and I spent last weekend with so many new women I had never met and a few that I already know and enjoy.

On Saturday I attended the first meeting of a newly formed book club I have joined. I dressed in proper winter clothes for the first time and even put on makeup.

Despite not reading very often because of the issues with my vision, I joined for the social aspect. We met at 2:30 at Delish in Hout Bay down by the beach. There were 11 of us.

We will meet again on Monday at Janice’s house in Hout Bay. She lives literally about 2 minutes from my house so at least Norm can pick me up and drop me easily and I can have a wee beverage. Our book club name will be ‘Herding Cats’ which seems very appropriate based on how chaotic it was on Saturday. I had nothing to eat before hand and I had a cocktail on an empty stomach to help quench my social anxiety so I was at my worst! If they can tolerate hangry, tipsy Kitten they can handle anything I can put out.

We are all ages and from all over the world, a few are local to Hout Bay, some are originally from the UK, a few moved down from Johannesburg and there were two and a half Americans! One from California (L), one from Georgia (me) and Yvette who only lived half of her life in the USA so we give her the half credit. She is also just adorably pint sized. Yvette also had a cocktail so the two of us were a bit of a gabby giggly nightmare. Janice was on my other side and she and I have the same birthday, so we get each other’s weird sense of humour. We took the mickey out of each other and talked nonsense much to the chagrin of poor Sue who was trying to ‘Herd’ us naughty kitties.

We agreed not to do the ‘everyone read the same book and let’s discuss it next month’ type of scenario because a) I do not want to be forced to do anything within a certain timeframe as it causes me very bad anxiety and b) books are so crazy expensive in SA that to me it does not make sense to spend so much on up to 10 copies of the same book as not everyone will even want it.

I have to be careful what energy I allow into my heart so I cannot read some things. And that is OK. I have no problem with that, I am gentle with myself always. If I do not feel strong enough for something why do I need to be tough? I am certainly not a masochist.

It was a lovely afternoon and Norm picked me up about 4:30 and we stopped and grabbed a pizza for dinner as I was staving and tipsy (yes I am a major lightweight as I so seldom consume any alcohol). Norm was not feeling great and so he did not want any food. We had a relaxed evening watching telly.

Sunday morning I was up bright and early as I had offered to host the drum circle at my house. I did my prayers and Finn joined me. I love my drum. I made it by hand and painted it myself. It has my sacred hummingbird on it.

I have not attended a circle in a really long time and I was so looking forward to drumming. The Mother drum is too hard to move easily so we agreed to all bring our own hand drums and in addition to my own drum I had a few extra instruments: a Djembe drum, some rattles and rain sticks that others could use. I had such a great time.

What we lack in talent we make up for with enthusiasm. We sang for a few hours and then everyone headed home about noon so we had the rest of the day for ourselves.

After everyone left I was sitting outside and I had my specs off looking at my phone when I heard a little faint drumbeat sound. I looked to my right and there was a male Sunbird hovering next to the bright orange leaves of the strelitzia. His wings were beating against the leaves of the plant, tippy tap tap.

Then he flew straight up and another male joined him and they landed on a string of fairy lights that are draped across the upstairs Juliette balcony between the front bedrooms. They just chilled there for a few minutes chatting to each other then shot off.

I also forgot to mention in last week’s post that we also had another crazy bird experience. We were in the lounge and I heard something odd and asked Norm to mute the telly. When he did we heard ‘whoooo, whooooo’ and it sounded like it was coming from the fireplace. I looked at Norm and said is an owl in our chimney? That is not so ridiculous as the first time we had the chimney swept there was a black bag full of bird nest materials.

Norm went outside and looked up but could see nothing. He put the light on his phone and shined it towards the roof and a huge owl was sitting on our chimney. When the light hit it he took off and flew away. It was so wonderful to know he is up there killing the rats and living his best life. I think that is the only charity I contribute to now is the Owl Rescue Centre as I had lots of donations going out each month and I was feeling the pinch so I closed all except this one. I love owls and the Sanctuary do amazing work.

Anyway. What is the message Mr. Owl was shouting down the chimney to me? My teacher Rev Tass Two Crows Flying said ‘What wisdom is in you, that needs to be released?’ So I will keep remaining open, asking to be a hollow bone, asking for my creator to show me my song and to help me sing it. It will become clear in Spirit’s time, not mine.

Tass and I had our monthly zoom meeting on Tuesday night as she had been sick and could not do last week’s and I was sick the session before that and I was worried about getting too far behind.

We went over the next direction, the South. We discussed so many things and Tass always encourages me to listen to my instincts in regards to the red road as I am supported by my ancestors.

Mr. Owl came back again on Tuesday night right after my meeting with Tass. He gave a few whoots but we never actually saw him.

Then on Wednesday evening I was sitting on our porch and giving thanks for the beauty all around me and watching the sunbirds hover over the Cape honeysuckle flowers to sip on nectar. The clouds over the mountain were so lovely and the sun reflecting on Table Mountain was just exquisite. Then a group of Sacred Ibis flew into frame and they barked again!! It reassured me that I was not losing my mind because every online reference I found stated that it was rare for the Sacred Ibis to make any noises unlike their cousin, the notoriously ‘baby being murdered screams’ of the Hadeda Ibis. I even mentioned that in last week’s blog. The Creator reassured me that I was indeed almost beheaded by a trio of screaming Sacred Ibis who apparently haunt my cul-de-sac.

Last weekend I was also discussing how I had seen so few caterpillars this year (despite having had one in my hair at my soul circle’s animal invasion). But suddenly there appears to be loads! I loved the reassurance from the creator that they are there and cannot wait for the butterflies to emerge.

Part of the homework from my Path of the White Wolf course requires me to write a specific phrase that Tass gave me with my left hand. Suffice to say if I am ever trapped anywhere that requires a ransom note to be written with my left hand I shall be in real trouble as my hand writing is illegible with my left.

By writing with your non-dominant hand, you are accessing territory beyond your rational and linear thoughts. If you are right-handed, you are using your left hand to be in right mind, and vice versa if you are left-handed. When you use both hands, you are boosting both hemispheres of the brain. The point of the exercise is that using both hands will help to ‘retrain’ both sides of your brain to accept that message. This can change the long held erroneous beliefs that have been created by our minds to protect us from harm.

One of the things Tass said to me is that I am a Heyoka. I had never heard this term and I googled it and I completely agree with her about many of these characteristics. Add to that, my Grandmother’s house (next to my home and where I spent a lot of my childhood) was struck by lightning three times! I use humour to defuse tense situations and I can see why Tass called me this. I need to sit with it a bit before I say much more.

One of the messages from Peggy Black this week was again talking about the planetary shift in consciousness and awakening and how that relates to our DNA.

“The main DNA codes that are being triggered at this time within humanity are the awareness and the total sensation of oneness with all.

As more humans are awakening from the numb unconscious illusion of powerlessness and fear… the world is experiencing a global shift.

FEAR, frustration and stress keep the DNA from expanding and the strands from unwinding. These emotions cause the DNA to switch off, then the information these codes carry are unavailable.

The key is the awareness of how your energy/actions/thoughts/words affect the whole. Holding a pure frequency of joy, gratitude and appreciation allows the DNA to relax and open. As more humans recognize truth… it begins to trigger other “sleepers” to awaken.”

Humans are awakening to their roles and responsibility of this planet… your earth.

Humans are awakening to their role and responsibility of being galactic citizens.”

I certainly know that I am more conscious and aware than I have ever been.

I started watching The Reluctant Traveler with Eugene Levy whom you will recognise from Schitt’s Creek. If you do NOT know Schitt’s Creek, then what is wrong with you??? Watch that series first because you need to already be a little bit in love with Eugene before you view this series. His straight-faced countenance kind of reminds me of Norm, a bit dry, dour and not a fan of either the water or heights. Except that Norm has pretty much travelled everywhere! I do not know anyone as well traveled as he is.

Anyway, in the first episode Eugene goes to Finland and is curious about why the Finnish are voted the ‘happiest people in the world’. He questions how you just wake up happy? Surely something makes you happy?

Then Eugene goes to visit a toe to tail reindeer farmer and ice fisherman who says ‘How can you be out in nature and not feel happy? Or if you are not happy, hug a tree and you will then be happy!’ It sounds like the reindeer dude is also a believer in Animism!

Then as I watched each episode I noticed a theme, as Eugene goes to each place he asks them about happiness. They all mention something that aligns with The Red Road. The fisherman in the Seychelles says to ‘Put your bare feet upon the earth, step into the sea’ and you will be happy. Each of the episodes drives home that happiness is obtained from absorbing Mother Earth’s energy, from the simple things in life, from gratitude and love. I give this series 5 Kitten Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐.

Along with most of the women in the universe I also watched Queen Charlotte from the Bridgerton series.

Charlotte says to one of her sons on the day of his arranged marriage: “Love is determination. Love is a choice one makes. You take someone in marriage, and you choose to love them.”

I am hearing over and over that Love is a Choice. I am going to make a point of stating that as an intention each morning when I turn east: “I intend to spend my day feeling Love”.

One thing that came up for me this week when meditating was how much shame I felt over the lies I believed when I was young and sometimes even older when I had fancied myself ‘in love’. The amount of young men who say whatever they can just to get a snog. Almost worse are those who lie and say the snog was more of an advanced edition of the kama sutra. Why do boys need to lie about their prowess? I even remember a girl a year older than me who came to me to discuss how I felt about an older guy that we both knew with the promise to help us to connect, meanwhile she was just creating her own relationship with the guy, not being a wing woman for me at all.

Or the boys who I thought we were in a relationship but who were busy getting frisky with others at the same time and then lied about it. I remember one blamed it on ‘Spring Fever’ as if he had Lyme disease or some actual ailment other than no self control.

I thought about it and I realised that the people who lied to me were the ones who should feel the shame, not me for being so naïve as to believe their nonsense. I was very naïve and trusting when I was young probably because I was an only child and not skilled at sussing out nonsense. Despite having travelled so much and being as old as dirt, I can be incredibly naïve now because if I know someone I do not expect them to lie. Lying is a deal breaker for me.

I wrapped all of that trauma up into a ball and let go of all of the pain from that period of my life – I could almost see it woosh away on my exhaled breath up towards the clouds above me.

These sessions are good for me so I hope the weather allows me to continue in the winter.

We woke to miserable rainy and cold weather. Of course the dog groomers were due that day so the dogs were clean for about a microsecond.

Norm and I had an event to attend on Thursday night. I was really not in the mood to go out but I was glad I went in the end. The rain at least stopped but it was bitterly cold.

We attended the 75th Anniversary celebration for the Cape Bird Club which was held at Kirstenbosch Gardens. I had joined the club a while back but have never attended any events because I did not want to go on my own. I convinced Norm to attend with me.

I know in my heart that the only reason he agreed was because I mentioned Michaela Strachan was the guest speaker. All men of that generation love Michaela from the show ‘The Hitman and Her‘ which starred the sexy young Michaela of 35 years ago. Look at that innocent face!

These days, Michaela presents the British wildlife focused Springwatch, and I am guessing that most of those viewers are also probably of a certain age. On the way there I said to Norm that age-wise Michaela’s demographic is almost a circle: an overlapping ‘Hit Man and Her’ group and the group of viewers of ‘Springwatch’. He does not find me amusing because he is smack dab in that circle of the 1st group and totally missing in the other.

There were so many more people there than I expected and parking was rammed. As Norm has been in the wars this week with first falling in a hole with one leg and twisting an ankle, then falling up the steps in the dark and bashing and cutting his other leg he is a bit crippled. He managed to wedge his truck in (he had forgotten that my car has a flat tyre) so we were not too far away.

There were trays of food out but it looked like locusts had been at them. It was flattened before we even arrived, they vastly under-catered it. Luckily we had grabbed dinner before we went.

Michaela showed some clips from Springwatch and we were all loving it, then some of them showed baby birds being eaten. The sounds of grumbling from the elderly folk around me equated to a full on property destroying protest from another age group. Read the room love!! Why would we want to watch baby birds get eaten?

Norman argued ‘it is nature’ but so is the death of a human, it does not mean I want a front row seat to view it.

We woke to pouring rain on Friday morning.

We were advised about our work situation at the client in a meeting on Friday afternoon. We now are being forced to go in for 4 days a week. I so seldom drive these days due to my visual issues and I am certainly not driving, in the dark of winter into an office just to appease someone. I will keep my camera on and they can see my face every day if they want. I have no issue with being seen, just driving into the city, parking, walking and paying for coffee and lunch. They will lose many hours from me each day. I will have to hot desk. I cannot bear it. I have put the word out to my contacts to see what other projects are on the go. I love my current client but I want to work remotely.

Friday was also Caitlin’s birthday and so we are going out tonight to celebrate. She wanted to go to Mexicola Locale in Hout Bay. It is under new ownership so let’s see how it goes. I will update you all next week. Tomorrow is mother’s day in SA so we are going to lunch with Caitlin, Wes and his parents. Monday is book club so lots of fun things going on.

I hope you all enjoy your weekends. Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxoxo

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