This week I heard someone say that they do not believe in ‘falling’ in love, that to have a relationship you have to get up each day and ‘choose’ to be in love. I guess that is no different than what ‘they’ say about being happy, that it is a choice. I always thought that was a load of nonsense but it is so true! I am choosing to live in the moment and if you are in the moment then it is hard to be anxious (well, unless your hair is on fire or something out of the ordinary is happening IN that moment of course).
I’ve been thinking about the lifetime of conditioning that women are subjected to. We are encouraged by society to be people pleasers, mediators, givers. Those who sacrifice for the good of others: our spouses, our lovers, our children, our parents. Not that these are ‘bad’ characteristics to have, they should just not overrule our need to protect ourselves and to maintain healthy boundaries.
The thing I am finding pretty funny is that the right wing are obsessed with the word ‘woke’ and are trying to give it a negative connotation. However so many of us are indeed waking up! We are becoming conscious. Your emotions are the key. When you vibrate the frequency of joy, gratitude, and appreciation as well as love, you are in a state of wakeful consciousness.
It is a moment-to-moment process of staying awake and aware to lift one’s vibrational frequency, which stops the automatic responses or ‘triggers’ or the dips down into the fear level energy. As mentioned in last week’s post, we can choose our vibration, we can tune that dial. If you are able to do this then you are Heart Connected. You will attract more positive energy into your own field.
However a friend and I discussed that it may not be you ‘attracting’ these things, it can also be the Universe slapping you up side the head because you have not listened until then to the other more subtle messages they sent you when something that has been perceived as ‘bad’ happens. There is no good or bad, only lessons for us to learn.
Last week while meditating I had the following words just flow into my brain. I quickly recorded them and then promptly forgot about them until I saw the recording.
I had so many interesting messages come through to me this week. The messages that came to me were that I am not living my authentic life, that I try to hide who I really am to so many people. I have traced this (with my friend’s help) to the fear of the withdrawal of love. The fear of the lack of unconditional love from others and that they may withdraw their love if I do not adhere to what they expect me to be.
This also feeds into the Witches Wound which I wrote about last week.
I need to sit with these messages for a bit before I unpack them publicly (refer to previously mentioned fear 😉). For me it is a case of both pondering and not thinking of it at all. Like trying to remember a word, it will escape you if you concentrate on it. Just treat it like one of those holographic things (which my near sighted arse could never see) and let my focus go fuzzy and relax and the information I need will come to me.
Another message which came through for me was about my friend K that I have been praying for who has had multiple surgeries for cancer. The cancer is now clear, but her body is struggling to adapt to her new anatomy and physiology post-surgery. So even though she was ‘healed’ her quality of life is still not as it should be. I have continued to pray for her every morning, but I have shifted it to firstly, giving thanks for healing her of the cancer but then to ask for help with her body adapting and allowing her more freedom and normality. On Wednesday morning after days and days of rain it was finally clear enough outside that I could stand on my hill and as I said my prayer for my friend and then paused in thought I was looking up at the sky and a male southern double collared sunbird flew up and perched on the very tip of a tall cactus and just stared at me.
I got such a deep feeling that my friend will be fine. The message I received was that she has fought her battle and now it is just a case of letting her body adjust. The key message coming through was to trust.
When I told my friend this she said that she always pays attention to the first bird she sees every day, she said that is a Hopi teaching. So the next morning when I prayed to the east, I looked up and there was another male sunbird sitting on the top of the tree in front of me. This seemed bizarre enough in itself, but then the next morning the first bird I saw was again a sunbird, this time sitting in the tree nearest to me. The Power of Three was reinforced to me, just in case I did not get it. It was such reinforcement that she will be fine, just trust. I saw him again this morning.
We have had rain pretty much all week long. It cleared a bit towards the end of this week and I loved being able to finally spend some time outside. I sat outside most of the day, moving from spot to spot to keep in the shade. Or jumping inside if it starting drizzling again.
By evening we were surrounded by a gorgeous sky. It was breathtaking and I just felt so blessed to be surrounded by such beauty.
This week I spotted Mr Squirrel back at the feeder.
I am so glad he showed up so I know he is OK. Finn would love to chomp him but he is pretty good at being evasive. Today he popped up on one side of the garden then when he saw we were sitting there he ran around to the other side of the garden to the other bird feeders.
Today I am so late publishing because we had our Women’s Soul Circle this morning. My friend T picked me up and then popped in for a cup of tea on the way back and stayed for a chat. Today’s was the biggest group I have ever seen at an event.
Today’s topic was “Back To Basics” and we discussed making your life as simple as possible. First we did our meditation which was using the Cognitive Defusion ‘Floating Leaf Method’. Cognitive defusion is about looking at thoughts rather than away from them. Noticing thoughts rather than getting caught up or buying into the thought. Letting thoughts come and go rather than holding onto the thought.
We were taken on a guided meditation and each time we had a thought or image pop into our heads we were to put it on a leaf and let it float off down the river and just carry on with our meditation. I tried it and it was interesting. Usually I just let my thoughts flow and do not try and interfere with them and then what needs to come up will come up, but I know that everyone has different skills, abilities and techniques.
T quoted Teal Swan (I think?) who had said that humans can be likened to different dog breeds. You would not expect all breeds to excel at the same things, for example a Swiss Shepherd is not usually that fond of playing catch. But if you want a great tracker, Finn would be a brilliant choice. Dog breeds, like people, may learn things differently or have inherent characteristics. You cannot expect uniformity. I guess the same applies to meditation, what works for one may not work for the other. This is a concept explained in a bit of a Tin Can Telephone manner as it was from a video Tam watched then explained to me and then it has been interpreted by me so if it is wrong just calm yourself it is no biggy.
The thing that resonated most with me from our Circle today was what I know I need to change, exercise and eating better. They keep popping up and I know I need to work on it, it will just keep popping up until I make a change. I am being gentle with myself.
Another thing that came up is something that came up with Tass previously and that is Anger. I know I have a little white hot spark there that I need to deal with. I will open that Tinder Box when I am ready Pandora! Acknowledging it’s existence and giving myself the freedom to own that anger and be justified in it’s existence is a huge step in the right direction.
Today was full of wildlife at Soul Circle. First I had a tiny jumping spider on my arm which I captured and popped onto a rock. Then Dee spotted a little caterpillar that was firmly stuck in my hair. After she extricated him and I was popping him onto a stick I then spotted the little beetle.
I looked up the spiritual meaning of the caterpillar and they say it is teaching us all an important lesson about life – to go at our own pace. This process of the caterpillar’s growth and transformation is one that we can all learn from, as it teaches us the importance of maturing both spiritually and emotionally.
The spiritual meaning of a hairy caterpillar reminds us that we need to embrace change and grow into our true selves. I am on board with that.
Lily had a pregnancy shoot done with a friend and I nicked some of the pics. The photographers IG is here.
These are the moccasins I gave Pickle. When this baby is born she will be the 4th generation of our Cherokee Indigenous matriarchy who are still on this earth. I intend to teach her all about her heritage.
Lily looks so beautiful and radiant. All of a sudden her tummy has popped now that she is in her final trimester. She is gorgeous.
Caitlin is busy planning a baby shower so we will drive down for that, I will be so excited to see Lily’s tummy then! Hopefully by then we will have a name instead of just The Pickle.
Last weekend I missed my Shaman course because I had a bad tummy and it is a long drive to Tass’s house. I was very sad about that but things happen as they are meant to happen.
I have had a week of much eye opening and downloads of information. It is a lot but so far it is very positive. I have a long weekend ahead as Monday is a public holiday. I intend to do very little, I have been invited on a walk on Monday but I do not want to drag people down so will have to think about it. Maybe Norm and I can take Finn for a wander in the forest instead.
Whatever you all do, I hope you enjoy it. Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox
Kitten in the City 
Pingback: The Tears of a Clown – Kitten in the City