Scar Tissue

I heard someone refer to the damage from their childhood as having ‘scar tissue’. That really resonated with me, and not just because I keloid. I thought of the tough exteriors that we create to protect us from harm. People who pretend to be hard but are a gooey mess inside. Many overweight people overeat as a way to comfort themselves, but some eat as a way of creating a boundary between their emotional insides and their physical outsides. This is often noted among children who have been sexually abused, they create these boundaries to try and protect themselves, even to try and make themselves less attractive to others, or ironically to diminish themselves by virtue of increasing their physical size. For many people obesity results in obscuring their genitalia, a sort of chastity belt made of flesh.

I have consciously worked through a lot of my past trauma. But I have found that damage is in layers like an onion. Or maybe it is more appealing to compare it to a croissant? The layers can make you cry but they can also be pretty crusty. Either way, you peel off and digest one layer and surprise, there is another layer, deeper down and maybe even hidden under a different trauma.

I wonder if my scar tissue is protecting me? This internal debate is now in my consciousness so I will ponder that a few nights at 3am I am sure.

A stomach bug is going through the Cape. I have had a bad tummy for weeks now which I had put down to my dietary changes but now people in the city have raised concerns over the quality of our drinking water. This comes around almost every year. Apparently there is a typhoid outbreak in Cape Town. Lovely, something else to fret about at 3am.

One of the other things I stress about is money, mostly regarding whether Norm and I have enough money put away for our retirement to be able to live comfortably. So this week I added to the monthly amount I deposit into a retirement fund. I want to retire at 65 so my savings window is rapidly closing, but Norm would be happy to work until he drops dead. He loves working. I love what I do, I just do not want to be doing it until I drop dead. I want to have grandbaby time assuming I eventually get one (or 6)!

*Sigh*

To enable my ability to chase the lil devils should they eventually arrive, I have maintained my low carb regime, but there has been little in the way of swimming, mostly due to the aforementioned tummy issues. But I do stretches and a few exercises. I am even doing leg work at my desk while in workshops. Multitasking!

I have now been without sleep meds for a couple of weeks. I am getting off to sleep fine but I wake as soon as the sun is up. I now remember that was my problem, waking up at 5 or 6am and then being unable to go back to sleep. Maybe my body is telling me that it only needs that much sleep? Part of this week’s learning is to be intuitive and listen to our bodies. The problem is my body gets chatty far too bloody early!

I have been doing intermittent fasting and aiming to go without any food from 9pm at night until I need to eat the next day. Ideally I like to go until 2pm before I eat. I do a ‘dirty fast’ which means I have cream in my coffee (not milk, actual cream).

I made a lovely easy lunch last weekend using left over pork roast. I used gem lettuce instead of wraps and stuffed the leaves with chopped up pork, sliced emmental cheese, pickles and dabbled on a bit of mayo. Wow they were so tasty, so easy and low carb. I was so delighted with them I forgot to take a pic before I wolfed them down. But I am sure you get the idea.

We have had Bow Thai for take out twice this week. I had Prawn Laap, Chicken Satay, and the Sam Tam Carrot Salad last weekend. Prawn Laap was described as savoury mince with coriander, basil and peanuts served in lettuce cups. The Sam Tam Carrot Salad was described as a carrot, chili and peanut salad served on lettuce with a Thai vinaigrette. I always have the chicken satay but this was the first time I had either of the other dishes. I again forgot to take a pic, oops. I will not order the Sam Tam Carrot Salad as it was pretty much all carrots. Norm took the pi$$ out of me for objecting to my carrot salad being too carroty. He had a point to be fair. I did enjoy the prawn laap and I always enjoy the chicken satay. At least I am breaking out of the confines of my usual patterns a little bit!

We also had Thai last night but they messed up my order. I ended up getting chicken wings which were very heavily coated in breading. Yuck. I pulled off the meat and gave it to the cats. I had chicken satay (which I did not order) and a laap prawn salad (which I did order).

Last Tuesday Norm went to the shops and so we cooked dinner a few nights. On Tuesday Norm cooked a fillet steak and some halloumi and I made a salad. I had forgotten to marinate the steaks and we thought it would not make much difference but it did. They were tasteless and a bit tough. I gave Norm my meat and I ate more of the halloumi. So again, I am listening to my body.

I only cooked one other night this week. I browned some chicken breasts in butter, then added some chicken stock and loads of spices to the pan, covered it and let it simmer until done. I then added a dollop of cream before serving. I roasted sweet potatoes in coconut oil and I parboiled chopped brussel sprouts in the rest of the stock, then fried them off in butter and garlic. I promise that it tasted much better than it looks.

On Wednesday Norm took Finn to the ‘big puppy’ class and the adventure for the day was a trip to the stables where he met horses, goats, ponies, chickens and all manner of other things which he had never encountered. Of course we were worried that he would assume that like all creatures he meets, they all want to be chased (at least that seems to be what he thinks). Finn was actually very well behaved but he was in a mad zoomy situation where he and a big ridgeback puppy were chasing each other like mad things. Finn decided to take a short cut through a bit of garden and he must had landed on a cactus or a thorny plant. He howled and limped over to Norm and lay on his back with his sore leg in the air. Norm did not find any thorns and he and the trainer decided that he had just stood on something. Finn is always so dramatic. Once he calmed down he followed 2 new pals into an old bath full of water. Maisy is the brown spotty dog who is one of his best buds. They call her Crazy Maisy so they sound like a match made in heaven.

Finn even interacted closely with a pig. He just sniffed Mr. Pig’s butt and moved on, disinterested. However, the chickens were very appealing and he had to be dissuaded from instigating a big kerfuffle of flying feathers.

Finn’s fave Uncles came to visit on Thursday: Harley (Doggy Uncle) and Mark (Human Uncle). Finn goes insane when he sees them. He jumped all over both of them, took Hunter out to the pool and tried to persuade him to go for a swim by splashing and jumping but Hunter was not keen. Then Finn tried to instigate a game of chase and they ran all over the garden and house. Norm gave them all a treat to try and get them to calm down. It is so funny that we think Finn is so big until we see him next to Uncle Hunter who is HUGE!

On Friday morning Norm and I went to get our Covid vaccine boosters. It was my first time out of the house since we got back from the US and as always I felt a bit panicky but it was over quickly and we were back home and logged in for work before we knew it.

I had some good news this week when we were advised by my client that the project resources (i.e., ME) do not have to go into the head office! Only the operational staff have to do so. I am so relieved. That is one of my key stressors removed.

I also had some very sad news this week. One of the women from our drum circle passed away after a long battle with cancer. Claudia is the beautiful dark haired woman to my right with her hair up. She was such a brave and kind soul. That is the second one of our drumming circle to pass from cancer. I pray the creator welcomes her home and that she finds peace and love there.

I have been listening to this song on repeat this week.

The song is ‘Stand Tall, the Four of Us‘ and the tune feels so familiar but as far as I remember I had never heard of Mantaraybryn until Spotify spat this track out in my ‘Discover Weekly’ playlist that the app creates from other artists and songs I have liked. I love the whimsical melody. I think it is about surfing?

As far as new things we have been watching, we just finished ‘The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window‘ this week.

What an odd little series that was! I give it 4 Kitten Stars for keeping me entertained and guessing wtf was going on⭐⭐⭐⭐ . But I love Kristen Bell and would watch anything with her in it, so my stars may be overinflated due to Kristen love. It is allegedly a comedy but it is definitely a black comedy if so.

I plan to have a relaxing weekend. It is a beautiful day, not too hot so far. I hope you all have a lovely weekend and a great week ahead.

Please keep the people of Ukraine in your prayers.

Until next time, stay safe. Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox

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