This has been a week huntyyyy!
Norm only returned from Qatar on Monday so I was on my own last weekend. I was so tired that I just hibernated. I was harbouring a lot of anxiety and stress about the phone call from HR the Friday afternoon advising my contract ends at the end of November. I was fretting about a new client, whether I would have to drive into an office on occasion or even worse, work from an office. I was fretting about what skills the next client might require which of course then sends my imposter syndrome into overdrive.
The problem with hibernating is that I have too much time to think. I spent a lot of time just sitting in the garden, listening to the birds and thinking. Often I just let my mind go and it is similar to meditating, thoughts float in and float out, occasionally bouncing around for a while.
I had told a friend a funny story about a trip to Brunei about 30 years ago and then later when alone and mulling over that trip, I had a flashback of something else that happened to me there which I had never told anyone about.
Brunei is predominately Muslim and alcohol is banned, but there were some allowances for the British AF servicemen who were stationed there. My boyfriend at the time was British but he worked on the refinery and had made friends with some of the servicemen and we went to the base to buy alcohol. We drove into the base, then we parked in one of the servicemen’s garages and they filled our boot with black market booze. We then slinked quietly back to our accommodation, hoping that we did not encounter a roadblock. (We did, but that is another story!)
To not make it too obvious that the men on the base were breaking the law and selling alcohol to non-servicemen, we were invited in for a drink. I had never met the couple who lived there, they handed us a beer and we all four sat around the dining room table. We were all drinking and having a laugh when I felt someone touching me under the table. I assumed it was my boyfriend and put my hand under the table but discovered that it was the husband, trying to push his foot between my legs and into my crotch. I was a different person then and I did not want to cause a scene so I just told my man I was getting tipsy and that since I had to drive home I wanted to leave.
Nothing was mentioned about it and I refused to look at the man and we left. Now that I think back on what happened, I realise that it was sexual assault. We women of previous generations have been conditioned to play nice, to not make a fuss and just meekly go along with things and I bowed to that conditioning. If that happened today I would stand up and make a huge scene and most likely have throat punched the guy. Old Lisa just left and kept quiet.
Many women have a tale of a man who pushed us past our boundaries and we allowed it because we did not want to cause problems. It makes me sad that I did not have the self worth to stand up to any of them. I am sad that I did not realise the depth of my power then.
Speaking of power, I learned a new word this week, Loosh. Isn’t that a wonderful word? Just let it roll around in your mouth for a bit. You know about my weird song obsession, so I have been singing to the tune of Lizzo’s ‘Juice‘.
“It ain’t my fault that I’m out here gettin’ loose
Gotta blame it on the loosh
Gotta blame it on my loosh, baby……….”
Here is a very long winded video explaining it all. I have to confess I have not watched it all. I just forwarded through it randomly like all good lil ADHD’ers and then googled bits and pieces and made up my own understanding. I hope I am right and not just sharing my nonsense in a contagious fashion.
Basically, loosh is energy. Energy is needed and used to manifest our realities. That manifestation is created by our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Loosh is the output of that process, it is the fuel that nourishes and sustains us. Loosh can be either positive or negative based on what you focus your attention on. Loosh is love in it’s highest form and fear in it’s lowest form. Therefore we have to protect ourselves and our energy from being taken advantage of. If your attention or experience is focused upon something scary or hostile, it makes you prey to these negative energy ‘depletors’. This may make you more vulnerable to dark influences. If we focus on negative things, negative things will be attracted to us. There is always the duality of light vs dark, this balance is needed.
Loosh is also known as Prime Energy. I am sure you have heard the term ‘Energy Vampires’? Those people who make you feel exhausted or drained after spending time with them? Energy Vampires do this by feeding off our our loosh. The same as you may not feel them draining you, they may not be consciously aware either, they may just feel so happy and buoyant after spending time with you. Therefore you may think you are overly critical about the relationship if they blather on about how much fun they have with you and you just feel knackered afterwards, and not in the ‘OMG I had such fun’ kinda way. Anyone’s constant neediness, drama or negativity will drain you, a relationship needs to be a balance.
If I know that someone who drains me is going to be around me then I make a point of protecting my energy before I see them, the problem comes when it is someone new in your circle or when it happens in what should be a safe space and you are unaware and too open. It is a good practice to close off your energy to everyone each morning and I think I will start to incorporate that into my morning prayers.
The other side of this energy exchange is that we can also tap into someone else’s energy if we have a deep connection with them. I have a friend in another country who is so deeply connected to me. She only thought about me and the following morning I felt a ‘whoosh’ of energy when I was doing my healing prayers and I actually blurted out her name. I then received a message asking me to ring her that afternoon and it actually gave me chills! She had been thinking about me the previous night and those thoughts hit me when I connected to spirit!
Work has been very busy as I am wrapping up for rolling off my current project. I was not clear on what I wanted to occur and when I finally focused on what I wanted, it happened. I got a last minute phone call on Thursday to say that they have found the budget to extend me 2 more weeks. That goes almost to my holidays and then when I am back I have a new project from January to June so that is a nice chunk of work. It is business analysis which is probably my least favourite activity but it keeps me employed. Why do I not focus on manifesting what I need and want more often? I forget about expressing what I need!
On Wednesday a team of painters arrived to start prepping for painting the outside of the house. We had not even chosen our colour yet! I wanted white with a light grey / blue base. Norm got one sample which we painted outside and left for a bit to dry. It had a green undertone which I did not like so I chose another and we did the same test. We finally chose Diamond White and fingers crossed it is not tooooo white once it covers the whole house. South Africa is mostly a very sunny place and it can be harsh if too white.
We also had the security guys back and they finished off a few bits and pieces they needed to do. They only left at 7pm and I was knackered from having people all in my space.
Blue kitty had been looking very unhappy for a few days and was off his food.
Blue is a gannet, so to see him not eating told us something was definitely not right, so Norm took him to the vet for them to check him on Thursday. They found that he had a bad tooth so Norm took him back in first thing on Friday morning to get the procedure done. It turned out that he had 3 bad teeth which had to be removed and he was there all day. It makes me feel terrible, maybe this is why he has always been such a grumpy cat, maybe he was in pain for a while?? His vet bill was expensive but that is the cost of having pets, you have to be able to treat their health issues, even when it is year end and you are trying to save for a trip.
On Thursday evening Tamlyn invited me for dinner and she cooked chicken schnitzel, baked potato and a gorgeous cauliflower cheese. We chatted a bit then Norm picked me up (I messaged him an hour earlier than I thought it was as I have no concept of time). Luckily neither Tam nor Norm think I am odd when I do these things.
I did not even realise it was Thanksgiving as I do not celebrate it. I have written before about it being a day of mourning. You can read that blog here.
Today I am going to potter about in the garden and Norm is cleaning the house. Tomorrow is our Social group’s Secret Santa party and I wanted to pop out and shop for that but I am not sure if I can face the crowds as it is Black Friday weekend. But I may have to do so as I need snacks to take and a wee present.
I hope you all have a great weekend and week ahead.
Until Next Time….Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox
Kitten in the City 