On Tuesday night I was howling in the middle of the night. I have had sleep paralysis issues for decades. What happens varies slightly from one episode to another but basically I am unable to move and I am terrified. What is causing the terror has a few different manifestations, one is a haggard old woman with long, stringy, white hair, the other is not human and is horrendous looking. These may be sitting on my stomach with their face pressed against mine, breathing a raggedy, wet, putrid mist against my face or just visible while holding me in place.

The key factor is being unable to move any part of my body. I am always trying desperately to scream but it comes out like a keening, howling ghost according to those who have heard it. Apparently it is as terrifying for those who experience it as it is for me. As neither of us has experienced it from the other side, that measure will always exist only in Norm’s head.

This time I remembered nothing, not even Norm calming me with the pressure of his hand on my back. The next morning he told me about it and said he thought it was a dog howling at first. Speaking to me had no effect so he put his hand on me and I calmed.

On Wednesday they phoned to say the second pair of frames were available to try on. I popped in and tried them and I love them so I ordered them. They phoned the following day to say they were ready!

I mentioned I needed to go to the labs and it took two attempts but I successfully got my blood drawn. I was sent the document for the lab in March but it took until now for us to get there. Therefore when Norm and I went down on Wednesday afternoon I had forgotten that I needed to be fasting for the thyroid tests. As always with anything involving a needle, I had worked myself into a right mental state. When the lab tech told us I must be fasting we went home and came back the next morning at 8am.

Often they struggle to find a vein and then when they do it rolls off somewhere other than where they just poked, but the young lab technician was brilliant. I barely felt it when she stuck me! She was so nice and we chatted about women knowing their worth and not settling for less than they deserve. So many young women end up with a guy who starts great but then slowly becomes a dependent, either emotionally, physically or financially. We had a great chat, a chat which kept my mind distracted. She was a Warrior with the Touch of an Angel.

Now we wait for the results. They are testing my thyroid because of the nodules on my throat, testing for Rheumatoid Arthritis because of the bumps on my hands and my family history, and other things I have forgotten because ummm March doctor chat. Prayers are welcome.

Norm had to rush off to a meeting so he dropped me back at home on Wednesday afternoon. Since I was on my own for the evening I ordered a Chicken Curry from Curry Mafia and it was perfection! Big chucks of white breast meat in a delicious creamy, spicy sauce. I ordered their home made chili sauce to go on it.

Norm decided he fancied chicken sausage on Tuesday and he popped into the shops to get somethings for dinner. He cooked chicken sausage, layered potatoes and baby broccoli for us and I made the instant gravy. It was delicious! Finn kept a close eye on it.

As did Mr Blue.

I usually eat at my desk even when Norm is home as we watch something on telly together unless we are chatting. I am too messy to eat on my new sofas and we are not Proper Dinner Table People on the daily. After dinner I move to the sofa and the animals snuggle up with me. It has been freezing cold this week. I am so grateful for a fireplace and the wood to burn to keep us warm.

Twice this week Norm made us soup for lunch because I was so busy I forgot to have lunch.

I was laughing about posts on threads by a large amount of people visiting Cape Town who had to buy warm clothing because it is bitterly cold here at the moment. The same thing happened decades ago when Norm first came to visit me in the winter when I lived in Johannesburg. He lived in Belfast at that time. He had to buy a coat to wear in the evenings even though it was hot in the daytime. People think South Africa is very hot all of the time but our weather is very area dependent and can change on a whim! When I used to work in the city I carried a bag containing flip flops, rain boots, and a Kikoi. A Kikoi is a traditional African cloth made of cotton and the patterns are woven rather than dyed into the fabric. It can be used as a sarong, a scarf, even a pillow or blanket just in case I was out and the weather flipped on me. Think of a kikoi as the autistic girl’s version of an army knife without the sharp edges.

I was chatting to someone recently about neurodiversity and driving. When I first tried to drive on a freeway in LA I had a panic attack. My doctor thought it was an asthma attack from the smog. I ended up using an inhaler for years for my panic attacks.

I thought about how many different drivers tests I have taken. I had a Georgia driver’s license, a Tennessee driver’s license, a California driver’s license, a South African driver’s license and then when I moved to Belfast I had an UK driver’s license. Now I seldom drive at all! I am happy in my garden.

I always spot a Lizard sunning himself on this bird feeder and managed to film it this week.

The rain and storms were really severe again this week, blowing cushions and even chairs about. It must have filled the bird feeder with more water and the extra weight was the drop that broke the feeder’s string (to be read in the cadence of the camel and his back).

When I noticed that it was not hanging up I saw it was on it’s ‘back’ and was still full of water. I also saw a little lizard clinging to the edge but in the water. I poured the water out of it and turned it upright to sit under the tree. The little lizard came out of it too. I hope he is ok, he shot off so I have no idea where he is now. I wonder if he lived in there before it fell?

This week I learned about a new set of acronyms for my collection. I saw this on Blue Sky Learning’s FB page. I like a lot of their posts so give them a follow if you are ND.

“Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviours (BFRBs) are a group of repetitive behaviours involving the body that can feel difficult to control, even when someone wants to stop. They can include:

• Hair pulling (trichotillomania)
• Skin picking (dermatillomania)
• Nail biting (onychophagia)
• Nail picking (onychotillomania)
• Cheek biting (morsicatio buccarum)
• Lip biting (morsicatio labiorum)
• Skin biting or chewing (dermatophagia)
• Hair eating (trichophagia)

Many people experience BFRBs automatically, especially during focus, stress, boredom, or overstimulation, and may not fully realize they are engaging in them until afterward. These behaviours are often coping strategies the nervous system uses to regulate internal states.”

As a child I had very long hair, sometimes it was down to my rear.

I would put clumps of hair in my mouth and suck them, sometimes leaving in when I slept. I sometimes woke up to a hair stuck in my tongue. I have had so many people tell me this is ridiculous but I have distinct memories of it and other ND people have told me that they have had it happen too.

I still bite my cheeks and the inside of my mouth. That is the reason I often wear dark lipstick, to stop me doing it. Spoiler: it does not stop me doing it. I chew the sides of my fingers, but not my nails. Most of my stims are secret.

This morning I had my usual spoil of coffee in bed then got up to get dressed. It is a gorgeous day.

I sat outside with the pups to have one last coffee while Norm showered.

We then went to the optometrist to collect my new spectacles. Then we went to the local Garden Centre. I bought some bark so that we can finish the outside area. I bought some pellets for planting, some cactus mix and perlite. I also bought lots of perennials to plant in the terraced area and a few succulents to go in my gardens. It was midday by then so we popped into the coffee shop for a bite to eat. We ordered drinks, a bottle of water and a cappuccino.

Norm was hungry so after 10 minutes he went up to find a waiter to order food. There was only one other table so it was not like they were very busy. The staff all seemed to be standing behind the coffee area.

Norm ordered a big breakfast. And we waited. And we waited. At least there were interesting trees to look at.

Eventually my iced coffee and Norm’s cappuccino arrived. About half an hour later my scones arrived.

Along with Norm’s full English breakfast.

It all was supposed to be a quick pop in but it seemed to take a very long time. The food was good at least.

We just got home and I am going to plant my new babies. I have nothing planned for the rest of the weekend so I can catch up on my rest. I hope you all have a good weekend and week ahead. Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxox