Whenever I hear a message multiple times, I always assume I am meant to notice. The message that came through to me was presented as a variety of ways, but it gave me the same sort of emotion, so I am grouping them together for my own interpretation.

1. You have been waiting all of your life for a man to save you and he has never shown up.
2. If you carry trauma from a past relationship, it can feel to your partner like they are responsible for repairing something that they didn’t break.
3. If you get triggered it is like bleeding on someone who did not cut you.
4. Resentment is Like Drinking Poison and Then Hoping it Will Kill Your Enemies.

All of these point to the same root message to me, that you alone are responsible for yourself and your own healing. If you are triggered it is your responsibility to heal, not the person who inadvertently triggered you. I do not mean someone who knows your buttons and pushes them deliberately, that is another thing completely.

I am incredibly lucky with the first item above, I did find my forever husband. Until I did though, I dated some real gems. One man I dated ‘between husbands’ broke my heart badly. My Autism and ADHD were undiagnosed and my mental health was in a very bad state when we met. I was obsessed with him, my assumption is that it was limerence not love. I have always had weird dreams about him since then, and this week I had one where he and Norm were both in it and Norm put out his hand, I took it and the other guy disappeared. I hope that was him forever fecking off out of my dreams, as he is not in my conscious mind. I understand it to be a place for endings of the things that no longer serve you from a planetary or astral point of view, but that may be a Lisa fact.

I am very lucky with items 2 & 3 as Norm has always understood that when I react it is not about him or what is happening at that moment, it is often a trigger to something traumatic in my past. I broke down crying on our first date and he understood why and drew closer to me instead of withdrawing. I also showed up 1 and a half hours late and a bit intoxicated, but that is another story for another day.

I do still get triggered, I know that I do. I have tried to heal from the things I can but some of it is so deep and so damaging that it is just hard to bring up to the light. I am trying hard to be open and honest about my past and my life and not keep it all quiet where I have no reason to feel any type of way about what was done to me, not by me. The shame is not mine to carry.

The last one is just reminding us that anger, bitterness and toxicity will only affect us, not the person who we hold that negativity against. So shake it off. Don’t dwell on the past, it is done, it cannot be changed. Let it go.

Some of you have been following my attempts to revive the discounted African Cactus. He had grown appendages and was thriving but I must have over-watered him and given him too much direct sunlight as he got sunburnt and turned squishy and died. I even searched PlantScope which confirmed he was past saving and his internal structure is destroyed. I played the funeral dirge on my mouth trumpet as I dumped him out. The app said even the dirt must be chucked out.

Touching him was yuckier than the yuckiest thing you can think of, times 10.

After I posted about his funeral service several of my green thumbed friends persuaded me to retrieve him and plant just the roots.

Now the hard part for me is waiting and seeing if he comes back. I have two modes in gardening:

A) Ignore you. B) Give you too much attention and overwater you.

Last week I mentioned I had an appointment for a facial on Saturday morning. After the facial my vertigo was terrible. I sat on their bed a bit, I sat on their chair a bit, I sat on a bench outside the spa for a bit but I still needed to hold on to navigate and was walking a wee bit sideways like a crab and feeling nauseous. If you have never experienced vertigo it feels like that game where you bend over and put your forehead on a bat and spin around. Except all I did was lie flat or tilt my head in a different plane than ‘normal’ and my eyes were whirling in circles.

I needed to shop for the ladies coming to the house the following day, so I went into the Spar attached to the mall where I had my facial and had a dash around. When I got home what I thought I bought, I did not. I had about 7 different dips, a bag of popcorn, a bag of crisps, a loaf of olive ciabatta, cucumbers, carrots, celery, grapes, caramel stuffed pastry horns and a few other bits and pieces. Oh and a giant bag of plain lettuce which is still wilting in the vegetable drawer of my fridge.

When I got home I saw Norm was in frantic clean and tidy mode. I quickly scarpered outside and tidied up the fairy garden and the back patio area as I was not sure whether my visitors and I would sit in the front or the back. Also, I did not want Norm to give me a chore list. I took out a huge bag of dead leaves and sticks from the fairy garden.

On Sunday Norm helped me set up the umbrella and cushions for the large table at the front of the house. It is usually too hot to sit out there but it was cooler with the clouds overhead so it was fine. I decided my guests and I could always go into the back if we were hot. The view from the front is so stunning and it gave the dogs more room to roam about.

I put out all of the bits and pieces of food. It may have been a random assortment but everyone happily picked at the food and nibbled various things while we chatted away.

We had not all been together in months with me going off to the US for a month and then down to George for my Grandson’s birth. So it was nice to catch up and see each other again.

It was a playdate for Renata’s little Pomeranian Enzo and Poppy. Poppy was a stroppy little madame and kept growling at Enzo and lunging towards him. She probably felt threatened as it is her space and she felt she needed to defend it.

At the very end of the visit, once they started packing up to go home, Poppy started playing chase with little Enzo. Norm told them it reminded him of my oldest daughter Caitlin as a child who would hide behind my legs and only get comfortable in a new situation when it was time to go home.

On Monday Caitlin messaged to say that they were without water at their house and she had been to the beach and was covered in sand. She and Bree arrived and Bree was in great spirits. We fed her while she wandered around pointing at things and chatting away. We even got a round of hugs.

After she ate we went up to my clawfoot bath and Bree had a splash around and Caitlin washed her. Then Caitlin went to get undressed in her old bedroom and took Bree to get dressed after her bath. Bree walked into the room, turned and pointed at me with her tiny finger and said ‘You, down. Me, here’ and pointed at her chest while attempting to slam the door dramatically with the other hand. She very clearly directed me to bugger off downstairs and leave her and Mom to get sorted alone without my interference. Cheeky little madam.

While Caitlin took a shower, Bree and I sat in the bedroom and I was trying to distract her from crying for her mom. I read from her book and she knew so many words it was amazing!! Then she pointed to the pool and said ‘water’ and pointed to Finn and said ‘doggy’ and without thinking that she is a human parrot I said ‘yep licking his bum as always’ and then she kept shouting ‘doggy bum!!!’. She is so full of energy. I find that she gets annoyed if she is frustrated, but you can almost always distract her with music. I always come pre-loaded with music running around my brain. When she did not want to wash I sang ‘FINNEAS’ ‘Crying out loud’ because I cannot overwrite an existing tune if another one is loaded.

The girls could not stay long as Wes was preparing dinner so they headed off and Norm went down to Casarecchio in the village to pick up some dinner for us. We both ordered the PORTUGUESE STEAK with fries but I had a half portion of steak and Norm had a full portion. He also bought a RUCOLA side salad with baby spinach, rocket, bacon bits, cherry tomatoes, croutons, parmesan shavings. The steak was so tender and perfectly pink. It all hit the spot.

I was sitting outside on Tuesday and I thought ‘I wish I saw more birds back here’ and the very moment I thought that a pair of sunbirds flew to pop onto a branch of my olive tree! It was instantaneous manifestation.

Then on Thursday when I finished work and went outside, as I sat down I thought ‘bird’ and a little white eye flew in from somewhere and landed in the olive tree right in front of me.

Then a bit later at about 5:30pm I was lounging outside on the sofa when a pair of Swee Waxbills flew down to have a little munch on the seed in the canoe feeder. It was strange because they kept chasing each other off but then eventually made peace and dined together next to each other at the feeder.

I had a proper moment of clairaudience on April 1st ironically. I have written before about ‘The Clares‘ when I did a workshop to understand and tap into them. I found this graphic on Light of Mine’s site here.

I was going to bed and Norm was watching news clips on YouTube and I heard clearly “Bondi is fired!” and I turned to Norm and asked ‘was Bondi fired?’ He said ‘no, Noem was fired but not Bondi’.

The next morning as soon as I came downstairs, Norm looked up from his laptop and said ‘did you have a premonition?’. I looked baffled and he told me that Bondi was fired. How interesting that the message I hear is not a personal one when every day I ask to hear and understand the messages from our Ancestors. OK then! I will keep listening.

On Friday we had a delivery of goodies from Babylonstoren. They do the most amazing Pecan Nut & Caramelised White Chocolate Cruffins and Chocolate Hazelnut-Caramel croissants. Babylonstoren are miles away but they deliver all the way here and package them so nicely. These are my fave special treats.

I sat outside munching on my pastries. Suddenly I noticed a fight between two lizards on the wall. Then I watched a lizard leap onto and subsequently swallow an insect. Then I saw 2 different lizards in the fairy garden, leaping fearlessly from one point to another. I like to call it ‘Lizard Parkour‘ when they fly so fast from point to point. Then I noticed a bird, then another.

I sat for ages watching these birds and then others came along too. I sat motionless so as not to spook them.

I did lots of gardening on Friday. I had a buddha head which was rootbound and every plant in it had died so I cleared it out and put in new dirt, then added clippings.

I found a teapot in my cupboard and decided to plant that full of clippings as well. I then rearranged my teapot shelf to include the new teapot.

This week we finally got some rain. It started on Thursday evening and it was gorgeous. I was going to have a sit outside and I spotted movement. I just knew it was a toad. I had noticed toad spoor a few times recently. It has a certain look. These are the rare western leopard toads which are protected in South Africa. It is toxic to dogs so we have to be very careful about him. If we find him again we will catch him and release him at a riverside somewhere. The last time we had a toad appear Norm kept moving him but the toad came back three times until Norm took him miles away.

Lily dropped off the cutest little Millie Bunny for the last day of school before they break for Easter. How adorable is this child??

Thursday my new bracelet also arrived. I have had my eye on it and it went on sale and I decided to spoil myself.

My kids and grandkids are all together in George for the long weekend. I am happy to have the 4 days off of work, even if I just lie in the shade and watch the birds, I need the chill out time. Hence rewarding myself with a nice bracelet. I might as well make lemonade out of my lemons.

I sent the grandkids loads of chocolate eggs and treats to Lily’s house. Everything was 3 for the price of 2, hence there are 3 of each.

Norm goes away for a few days soon to Zimbabwe. I have these ridiculous animals to keep me company.

We have our usual set up with a dog walker to help with Finn. Poppy and I will play ball in the garden to keep her exercised or maybe my friend can pop by with Enzo again to wear her out.

I finally made an appointment to get a pedicure at the local Sorbet salon. My pedicurist has just disappeared. She does not answer messages and I have not seen her about the village. I am a bit worried but trusting that she is okay but my feet however are not. I look like a mountain goat.

This afternoon Norm has surprised me with a booking for lunch at the new Little Fox at Constantia Nek. I am very excited to try the food as well as enjoy that view. I will give you all the pics next week.

Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxox