Not to be trite, but you know the phrase ‘just because you can, does not mean you should’? Usually it is served with a side of shade or body shaming, but in this instance I am using it to refer to managing the household on my own. I coped perfectly fine with Norm away and therefore proved to myself I am a big girl (easy now don’t be rude) and that I can indeed do anything that I put my mind to. It has been a real confidence boost as I am always so panicky when Norman has to go away. But just because I can cope alone, does not mean that I want to!
I not only managed the day to day routines but as mentioned, last week I had dinner guests here for two nights and this week I even entertained multiple humans at the same time on my own! It went rather well if I say so myself (but feel free to ask a guest, I can give you a referral). I usually get panicky when people are coming to visit as I have such social anxiety and end up drinking too much or self medicating in some way and I can be a bit of a mess, but Norm keeps the day on track, so I wondered how I would cope on my own. I started thinking about it too much and freaked myself out the night before and then woke in the middle of the night and was ill. Was it the overly sugared pumpkin fritters I chowed before bed or the stress. All of the above?
The next day when I woke I went to the hill to pray in my dressing gown, sat outside and had my coffee, put on some background music and watched the birds and decided I was going to just relax and be myself, if they are really my friends they will not care if my house is a mess or my dog is a psycho with no manners and a fondness for nether regions.
I tidied the house a tiny bit and then I prepared the food and had a shower and the girls all started to arrive. Tamlyn was kind enough to wrestle our giant brolly out of the garage and into the holder but none of us really knew how to properly use it, but at least it gave us a little corner of shade. It was not an overly hot day but the sun kept popping in and out and was very bright when on one of its outings.
We all crowded around on the shady side of the table, scootching our chairs to follow the cover of the brolly as the day went on.
I cut up and roasted a whole smallish pumpkin in olive oil, salt and pepper. I did the same with some multi-coloured carrots and some beetroot. I had bought a whole gammon which Tamlyn sliced for me (I asked her to after my disastrous cutting of our fillet last week.) Everyone brought some bits and pieces and I forgot the veg in the oven for a bit longer than I had planned but it all worked out ok. The ladies brought some beautiful smashed potatoes with a gorgeous sauce, a milk tart, some gorgeous Lindt chocolates, and other bits and pieces. Tamlyn brought some breads and pate’s but we did not eat them for some reason (disorganisation on my part, refer to veg left in oven for almost 2 hours).
We talked about anything and everything and shared some really private things about ourselves. I think sharing some of our truths helps our friends to relate to us and understand why we think or behave the way we do. I’ve also mentioned that keeping our secrets in the dark is unhealthy. Bring them to the light. There is magic in owning our story without shame.
At one point someone said it was so nice to be able to speak openly about some of the things we discussed without people looking at us like we are crazy. I remarked that I speak about these things with everyone and maybe that is why I have no friends or that people think I am a fruitcake? I forget that everyone is not on the same paths we are and even more that some people think these things we discussed are out of the ordinary, when these things are very much a part of our every day lives! *You mean everyone does not speak to trees?*
Some people even think that some of the things I believe are from the ‘dark side’ and will not even consider doing something as innocuous as setting intentions? I see intentions like prayers – specifically asking for what you need in life? Once again I am reminded that not everything is suitable for public consumption as not everyone’s consciousness has evolved.
On Monday it was lovely to have one more full day to do nothing. I just sat outside with the dogs for most of the day.
The animals really keep me amused.
Norm arrived home on Tuesday and we were all very happy to see him! He came in wearing a face mask as he had Covid while in the USA with my Mom. He managed to not infect her so I hope I also escape unscathed. Finn panicked when he saw a mask and ran until Norm took it off and spoke and then Finn went absolutely insane with happiness and hurled himself around the pantry like a bucking bronco.
I had asked my Mom for a medicine bag as the one I bought recently doesn’t hold all I want it to hold. I described it exactly as I wanted it to look including the small size and sent some pics as suggestions for her but I was still so surprised when Norm handed it over, it is exactly what I had pictured in my head! It is the perfect size for the items I need to carry. Not to mention how beautiful and soft it is. It snugly fits two little bags, one of tobacco, one of sage, a lighter, a small shell and my shaman stone.
Mom also sent a beautiful Native American blanket for me. I love the design and have been using it on my hill for my meditation sessions.
I cooked for Norm and I on Wednesday evening. I had bacon, cheese and pasta in the house so I made some cheesy bacon spaghetti. It was really rich and yummy (sorry cholesterol).
On Thursday night we went for dinner with my ex-husband’s brother Richard and his wife Katja. They are over from the US visiting with their daughter Bronwyn. They came by for a drink at our house before we went out. They loved our view.
I had booked for us to eat dinner at The Lookout which is a casual restaurant at the Hout Bay Harbour and even though it was a chilly evening we sat outside on the deck. You can see all of the boats docked right next to where we were seated.
I chose the grilled kingklip with chips.
I had not seen Bronwyn since she was a toddler. When Norm and I were living in the UK we took my kids to Disney in Florida and Katja, Rich and their 3 kids drove their RV down from Ohio to visit us. That was the last time we saw Katja too but we had seen Richard more recently when he came over here about 7 years ago to visit his brother and friends.
Richard and Katja lived in LA when I met my first husband and moved to LA to be with him. We all used to go camping in the desert and all manner of adventures until they left LA for a new job for Richard and then eventually we moved to SA.
One thing I have been thinking about is the balance sheet of relationships, both current and past. They often say that when one partner moves closer, often the other moves away. It is the classic pursue-withdraw dance, one partner moves toward the other, while the other moves away, detaches and withdraws. The more the partner withdraws, the more the other partner pursues; and vice versa; the more one partner pursues, the more the other partner withdraws.
I am starting to wonder whether for trauma filled past relationships, when one begins to remember, the other tries to forget?
This week I read something that really resonated with me about fear. It was written by Peggy Black. And if you have still not subscribed to the 88 days messages then do it now!
“When the human experiences fear… they drop into a place where they are operating on automatic.
It is “fear” that allows a human to be manipulated… be it fear of the dentist or fear of death or fear evoked by the evening news. It is in that place of unconsciousness… that mental place of operating on automatic that the mass populace usually vibrates. Fear is the key that triggers imbalanced and unconscious patterns.
Notice when you fear something you are becoming powerless. You are easy to manipulate. You disconnect with your Source. You dropped into unconscious behavior. Fear is the key that unlocked that door. Fear triggers your personal insecurities. Be ever diligent… be ever aware… watch closely what experiences… what thoughts… what images… what words trigger your personal fear.
Be aware of the ways that you divert your feeling of fear… the ways you distract yourself… notice the tools you have learned to keep the feelings or vibrations of fear at an unconscious distance
When you experience “fear” in the moment… grab it before it hides… expose it… express it and love it free. “Fear” keeps you from staying in the NOW.
So when you recognize your personal “fears”… deactivate them. You can use your tools of sound… of expression… of sharing… of exploring why the “fear” is there. Where did it come from? How long have you hid it? You can process your “fear” lovingly, consciously, and as you do, you are more available to yourself… you are more available to others. You are more connected to your Source.“
This is what I meant about exposing to the light the things which cause you pain. The Truth can never be wrong. By telling our truth we learn to love ourselves and once we love ourselves we are available to love others, sometimes even those who were impaling us on those thorns I am always talking about. I know my truth and I accept my role in that dance. As I have said, if we are living out a generational soul contract then one of us has to break that cycle.
Once we are able to let go, to love everyone, even the dark sides of ourselves then we have mastered the fear.
I am trying to break that pattern and end that cycle. I am taking back my power.
Speaking of living your truth, this week I streamed ‘This Is Everything: Gigi Gorgeous’. It is not new it was filmed a few years ago when she was transitioning. Gigi is now married and is trying to conceive a child with her husband who is also trans.
Since I am such a supporter of anything LGBTQI+, I knew who Gigi was. I first saw her on Trixie Motel and was fascinated with her, she really IS gorgeous!
I enjoyed watching this and getting to learn more about her as a younger person and how she went about transitioning. I found it interesting how she said that whether she has a penis or a vagina or whether she is attracted to a man or a woman is irrelevant in reference to who she is. She is a woman. I was shocked that people are so forward as to ask her what genitals she has. But people are incredibly ignorant, often willfully so. I think everyone would learn something watching this and give it 4.5 Kitten Stars purely because it is filmed mostly on a Go-Pro and sometimes made me a bit Blair Witch dizzy.
Lily and Josh arrived yesterday for the weekend. It is also the Two Oceans Marathon so we will be housebound today. The cyclists make a hella noise it is very festive.
I hope you enjoy your weekends and your weeks ahead.
Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Kitten in the City 