I’ve been overthinking again. After all, it is one of my superpowers. It usually starts when I hear a quote or a phrase that triggers introspection (aka sends me down a rabbit hole).
This week the quote I heard was from Carl Jung:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
The central thrust of Jungian psychology involves the task of making the unconscious conscious, and integrating what is discovered in the unconscious into the conscious personality. The parts of ourselves that are unconscious affect our lives “from the shadows”, pull us into situations, attract certain people. It might seem like events are happening to us, but we are the actual attractors. It may seem like fate, but we are the cause. The more we become conscious of what is unconscious within us, the less we are subject to the effects of what lies in the shadows of our consciousness.
I interpret an example of this as women who choose men who abuse them, often over and over again. Women who quite often have also been abused as a child. It is seeking that dark negativity, that energy that is familiar, even though it is so wrong. Just because it is familiar, does not mean it is right, however we sometimes find comfort in the familiar even when it is uncomfortable.
As a survivor of both childhood abuse as well as several abusive relationships as an adult, I can relate to this. I was broken so I made my choices from a deep-seated wound, a place of need.
Children who are victims of abuse often feel there is no one to protect them and if we learn early in life that no one is going to protect us from harm, then we begin to feel a sense of abandonment. This sense of abandonment is most often rooted in the mother child relationship and may not be due to physical abandonment, it can be due to emotional or mental issues in the mother that resulted in a lack of a bond. It could be due to a narcissistic mother who made everything focused on her needs and how the world affected her, rather than on the needs of the child. It could be if the mother cannot bond by breast-feeding or if the mother has to work and is too tired to pay attention to the child when she is not working (as the house often still has to be maintained). The mother could be an addict or alcoholic and unable to offer anything other than just her own survival. It could be rooted in so many situations.
Quiet children often do not demand attention, they just get on with it and accept their fate as normal. These are the children who sit in a corner quietly and are branded as ‘such a good child’ in the midst of a room full of adults, often doing things or discussing things not suitable for a child. That quiet child becomes almost invisible.
There are so many reasons why the mother and child may not bond. But this sense of abandonment can create a wound so deep that our life choices that are based on internal dialogues may be misguided.
All of this neurotic thinking has me feeling a bit ill and then I see another quote by Jung:
“Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.”
Now he is annoying me. Lawd knows I have suffered. The things I endured in my past are enough to break most people and I was broken for a very long time. I contemplated suicide as I thought I was not adding anything positive to anyone’s life and my children would be better without a mother like me. I believed the things that their father told me about myself. He had many years to drill that toxicity down into my soul.
However, eventually I started to heal and I chose to fight, I am descended from a line of women warriors after all. But I guess now I would definitely qualify as ‘neurotic’ or highly strung as they often refer to women. However, I interpret this phrase from Jung to mean that some use neurosis as a means to avoid doing the work we need to do to slay our demons, to look deep into our souls and dig out those festering thorns. It is used as a distraction from the need to heal.
I used to thrive on nervous energy but now I avoid getting into that state at all costs. I am happiest when I am calm, when it is quiet except for the songs of the birds, the purr of the cat on my lap, the Pomeranians snoring gently at my feet. I need that stillness. It nurtures my soul.
My weekends are happiest when I just potter about the garden, pet the cats, play with the dogs, watch the birds and listen to the world outside. Maybe doing some random little craft to repair or create something.
“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. It will be a permanent Self, rooted in awareness and creativity. Once you have captured this, you have captured the world.” ~ Deepak Chopra
I’m am so happy with my life and every day I tell the universe how grateful I am for every aspect, for all of the people and things I encounter. If I do ask for something then often those wishes are answered.
Recently I asked Mother Earth to send me some feathers for my hat. I specifically asked that no birds were harmed to get them to me, I did not want a bird to die for me to find his feathers. I was sitting at my desk on Wednesday and I heard a frantic flap of wings and some squawks and looked outside to see 2 large birds locked together before separating and flying off. The air was full of feathers! The small little baby feathers were everywhere but there were also some large ones left behind.
I gathered them all up and said thank you to the bird spirits and happily decorated my hat with their gifts.
I love them! I wear this hat constantly if outside, I keep the sun off of my face as much as I can.
Work was a bit stressful this week as we are behind plan and I managed to cause issues with the AWS environment which meant I could not access the data. I managed to get it sorted after many interventions by the technical support team.
On Thursday Norm and I went to get our eyes tested. We had not had them tested in two years and I knew I definitely needed a new script. With my posterior vitreous detachment and my severe myopia I should not neglect my eye health.
I knew exactly what style of frames I wanted: big and black. Now that my hair is back to it’s natural colour and I seldom wear any makeup except my bright red lippy I thought that would be the best look for me. I tried on loads and I narrowed it down to 3 pair which I liked. My script is very bad (-8), so even with the magic they can perform today with thinning and lightening lenses, mine are still thick and therefore heavy, so I have to keep my frames to a smaller size to avoid too much pressure on my nose. That meant my fave pair were vetoed because they were too big. The 2nd choice sat too low on my nose to give me optimum vision so I finally ordered these which passed all of the criteria. Do you like them?
After we ordered our glasses we took Finn for a coffee and then we headed home. I was too over it to cook so we ordered take-aways.
I did cook on Tuesday. Norm brought home some lovely fresh kingklip and I stir fried cauliflower in a wok with butter, parmesan and sesame seeds and sautéed asparagus in lemon, butter and garlic. It was really delicious and very nutritious.
I loved the cauliflower, very nutty and tasty.
The next night I had mince and lots of ripe avocados so I made spicy mince and a salad with lots of avo slices to go with it and topped it with fromage frais, salsa and cheddar cheese. It was so yummy.
My newfound absorption with Jungian Theory was triggered by a new series we started this week when they used that phrase mentioned above about ‘fate’.
Norm and I just finished watching ‘Devil in Ohio‘. It stars Emily Deschanel as Suzanne and her husband Peter is played by Sam Jaeger. Suzanne is a psychiatrist who gets involved with a young girl named Mae (played by Madeleine Arthur). Madeleine and several other members of the cast are Canadian. Some of them I recognised from other series I have seen. Such as Canadian Tahmoh Penikett who plays Mae’s father, Alisha Newton (from the series ‘Heartland‘), and Eva Bourne (from the series ‘When Calls The Heart‘). The production location was Vancouver, so that explains that!
This sort of tale is just up my alley, a bit of suspense, a bit of drama, a bit of the occult and a bit of teen drama all rolled into a rather cheesy, sometimes overly dramatic series. I found it interesting that they paint the cult with the visuals we often see of other religious groups who have isolated themselves from the world, but this cult has a twist. I won’t give anything else away, but I did enjoy it, cheese and all. I give it 4 Kitten Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐. They set the last episode up to give plenty of opportunity to launch a season two, I just hope it is timely enough that I do not forget season one!
This series also introduced me to the beautiful voice of Bishop Briggs who sings the main song on the soundtrack. I cannot find a video of that song but here is a recent track from her latest album as well as an earlier track of Bishop singing with Jacob Banks.
I hope you also enjoy Bishop’s voice as much as I do.
It is cool outside day today so I shall be pottering about and watching the birds. And as boring as that may sound to some of you, it sounds like heaven to me.
I would like to end with the words of Jeff Foster:
‘Abandonment is the story of lost love,
an old story, for love cannot be lost,
only rediscovered deep within.
You are courageous enough to be present now.
You have broken the addiction of a lifetime:
You have discovered the deep joy
of being alone.’
Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxoxo
Kitten in the City 
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