This week’s Old Fart Convo that I eavesdropped on at work was about Conspiracies and Spirits. First they said that ‘All Americans believe in Conspiracies’. No, no we don’t. Only some do. They touched on Flat Earthers and the people who are convinced the Moon Landing was faked.
Then the conversation drifted over to the subject of Spirits. They steadfastly denied that ghosts or spirits exist, then conversely almost crossed themselves and clutched their rosaries when one of them mentioned Ouija boards. When one of them asked the other two had they ever used a Ouija board they all said ‘NO!’ rather vehemently.
At this point I started giggling and they turned around to look at me but I did not attempt to interrupt their discussion. My expression and sniggers seemed to somehow unsettle them though and they shuffled off back to their desks.
Some of us do not need the assistance of a Ouija board to communicate with the other side, if anything we need help with blocking that communication!
My friend Alison shared a Light Language Activation image with me which is geared toward helping an empath disconnect from energy which is not theirs.
I have now started following Markus on social media and I enjoy his Light Activation images.
If I know that I will be around someone I need to protect myself from, then I do a protection ritual beforehand, but it is the experiences and interactions we do not expect that can get to me. My ability to protect myself is lessened when I am exhausted or stressed and I am both of those at the moment.
There is very little progress with Panda’s recovery and this whole experience has been expensive, stressful and exhausting.
Panda still sleeps in the bed with Norm and I as he always has, but he is most often wide awake alllll night. I do not go into a deep sleep as I have a possibly irrational fear of rolling over onto him in my sleep and smothering or crushing him. He can still only make a little growl and an almost soundless bark and cannot move away.
On Sunday night he had a very restless night but I still got up and managed to get to work and exist thanks to caffeine. The client had forgotten to send an email to HR to extend my contract another month and on Monday my access card did not work, but they let me in to the office using a visitor pass.
Panda was awake most of the following night too, so when my alarm went off at 6am on Tuesday I was still very tired and I hit the snooze button and went in for 8am instead of 7am. Tuesday morning they would not let me in to the building at all without an escort, preferably my manager but my manager usually only comes into work about 10am. Finally after half an hour of ranting and leaving annoyed voicemails on my managers phone, someone on the team walked past and I asked the receptionist if he could walk me to my desk and she allowed me in. One of the elevators is out of order and I had to queue forever it seemed for the one working elevator to have space as the queue was all the way back to reception. In between rants at reception I had nipped out and treated myself to a coffee and it was cool by the time I got to drink it and it was mostly foam rather than the coffee I desperately needed. I also realised I had left my lunch at home.
I just wanted to go back to bed.
Panda has become a 4am alarm as he wakes most nights looking for water or to be turned over. To be honest we usually have no idea what he wants, we have to go through the list of options until he settles. Much like a new Mom with a crying baby that you change, feed, water, rock and then finally when you feel like you can’t cope any longer you put them down in their cot and they immediately pass out, except it is barking and not crying.
Ironically Panda is looking healthier than before his illness in some regards. His breath used to be deadly and now is not scented at all. He had constant dark circles under his eyes which the vet had said were an environmental allergic reaction and those are gone. His eyes are bright and clear. He is still taking the tissue salts to boost his immune system and recovery. We grind them into powder, add to water and give him them in a syringe.
I’ve ordered some CBD products for him as well to see if they help with his healing. I will try anything if it might help. We will continue to support him any way we can.
Progress is very slow but we do get glimmers of hope. We do little Physio sessions with him, rotating his legs as if he is walking, flexing the ankle and elbow joints, then ending with a massage. It feels like he is pushing back against our hands with his back legs when we do the exercises. I hope that is true and it is not wishful thinking.
Norm cooked a few nights this week. He made a beefy bolognaise type sauce and served it with mashed sweet potatoes and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. The following night he made a pseudo cottage pie by layering the leftover meat sauce, mashed sweet potatoes and topping it all with cheese and baking it. It was lovely to have homemade healthy food.
On Friday morning I was checking Facebook notifications and I saw a memory from our anniversary a few years back. With all of the stress and chaos Norm and I both forgot. I cannot believe we have been married for 22 years! Sometimes it feels like we just met and sometimes it feels like we have always been together. We will always be there for each other, we are soulmates despite being compete opposites.
When I got home from work Norm had bought me a lovely bunch of lilies, my favorite flowers.
He also shopped and made us a gorgeous dinner. He grilled a fillet steak and I made a salad of spinach, rocket, pomegranate seeds, toasted pine nuts and grated parmesan cheese. He made fried sweet potato fries in the air fryer and fried whole mushrooms in butter.
We built a fire and settled in for a relaxed night surrounded by our babies.
It was a big change from our last few anniversaries but we cannot leave Panda on his own so we are housebound for the foreseeable future.
Norm took Pixie to Noordhoek to the doggy Chiro on Saturday morning. I had to try and feed Panda. The vet and Norm have no qualms about shoving the large syringe down his neck but I can’t. I hand fed him.
Afterwards I started a big fire even though it was so early in the day as it was freezing cold and raining outside.
I watched a few episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Panda was in good form and watched it with me.
I mixed it up with a few episodes of the new season of Good Girls on Netflix.
Today I finished the last episode of Season 11 of RuPaul’s Drag Race and have to search for a new addiction. If anyone can recommend anything please do!
Norm and I watched a documentary about the water crisis in Flint Michigan and then we watched a documentary called ‘Minimalism’.
It is about a movement of people who are trying to simplify their lives and get rid of all the clutter and unnecessary items we tend to cling to. I find that my need for ‘things’ has definitely lessened either due to age or due to the environment I live in where so many people have so little. I question do I need this item, or do I want this item. In the past I was into mass consumption as well but I realized pretty early on that things cannot buy you happiness. Many hoarders are that way due to some sort of traumatic loss, they surround themselves with things and fear letting anything go as a way of feeling more in control.
I am a control freak but on a conscious level I fully realize we have no control over anything.
This situation with Panda has proven that to me if nothing else.
Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxo