I had a surreal experience this week. Last Sunday was Father’s Day and I posted a tribute to my Dad who died before my children were born. I sat thinking about him a lot over Sunday and Monday, wishing that I had videos of him to show my kids and grandkids and sad that I can barely recall his voice. At this point he has been out of my life longer than he was in my life.
On Monday night my friend Tam messaged me to say she had been meditating and received an ‘ear worm’. She said that ‘Nights in White Satin’ just popped into her head. I was shocked as that was clearly my Dad. I think he was letting me know he was aware that I was thinking of him and confirming that he is always there, listening. ‘Nights in White Satin’ was one of his favourite songs and we played it at his funeral. It is not exactly a traditional funeral song, so Tam could have had no clue about that. It really gave me comfort! When thinking of him I had felt him around me energetically, I felt him when the birds did odd things and this confirmed I was correct in what I was feeling, my dad was there.
We had a three day weekend last week in SA and I spent the majority of it in the garden. The weather was gorgeous, if a bit windy on Sunday. I put some air plants in my new heart shaped metal holders and hung them on the trellis.
At the end of the day I sat outside at the front of the house and watched the sun fade from view and the sky turn a deep purple. Poppy and Blue lay at my feet and Finn was out on his nightly walk with Norm.
Then in the midst of the contentment, you spot it. You know how you always have something to be repaired when you own a home? If you zoom in on the above image you can see the broken patio light on the rock wall behind the bird bath next to the little metal bench.
We phoned the electrician we use, Sango, and asked him to pop by to sort out these broken pool lights and do some other work for us and he came on Tuesday afternoon.
His team hung my new downstairs lights that I have had for months. We did not have light bulbs so we have a mishmash in until we get the right ones. The new pendants modernise the look of the rooms so much, I love the difference. Hopefully we will get downstairs painted soon, I like to manifest the next step when each step is complete. Manifesting Project Management if you will, using the waterfall approach. #GeekyWooWooHumour
Norm and I had forgotten to water the new flower bed that Kim finished and when he let the dogs out for their bedtime wee at midnight on Sunday night, he remembered. That is why Norm was out watering the plants at a ridiculous hour. Of course, this effort also meant we woke to rain the next day and we used up that precious water for nothing, but never mind.
I mentioned last week about love languages. On Monday morning Norm had brought me a coffee in bed, then he came back later and asked did I want another coffee in bed or was I getting up? I bargained with him that if he brought me another coffee in bed that I would clear away all of my clothes. This might not sound like a great deal but trust me, there were so many clothes distributed all over upstairs. I had clothes still piled on the guest room bed that Norm had unpacked for me at Christmas. On top of those were the last 6 months worth of clean washing. There were also clothes hanging on every cupboard door, the back of the bedroom door and even the drawers of my dresser. There are several piles off camera not to mention the guest bed. Basically most of the upstairs was my closet, when I wanted to wear something I had to find it first.
I forced myself to be a big girl, get out of bed, shower and dress and put all of the clothes away. It took at least an hour but it felt so good afterwards to not have the task hanging over my head like a little black cloud of guilt every time I looked around the bedroom.
To my husband’s credit, he never nags or shows his annoyance if it exists. He told me I did a great job once I finished but he never guilts me. He never has any expectations for me regarding food, laundry, housework or any of the usual gender based areas of responsibility. I am free to focus all of my mental energy on my work. He treats my job as equal importance to his. I know that for me, any man who did not, would not be with me but so many women accept such low levels of responsibility from their men. But let’s not open that box, Pandora!
Norm also ordered a new pair of earplugs for me as Blue cat lost one of mine and the new pair arrived this week. Norm complains my desk is a mess, but to me it is perfect. I can reach everything I need within the day. The cat however is clumsy AF and is always knocking things off and that is what happened to my ear plug.
This week we noticed Blue was squinting one of his eyes so Norm took him to the vet. Blue has an ulcer so we have to try and insert eye drops into his eye 4 times a day. He is eating much better since he had the meds, so maybe it was sore? As he screams all of the time it is impossible to know if it is a special scream or just his normal scream. Norm already accuses me of Munchausen by proxy with the animals.
A security guy came on Wednesday to repair our back door which is not shutting properly, Sango popped back in to do the outside pool lights and Vanessa also came for my monthly pedicure on Wednesday. Luckily the sun came out midday so it was not as chaotic as it could have been having people running in and out. We have to manage the dogs so that Poppy cannot escape and run away, and Finn does not escape and eat a human. But how beautiful are the pool lights? Sango chose them, we just told him what we needed done and let him have free rein at the shop and he chose a blue light for inside the pool and these lovely grey ones for the walls. If you zoom into the steps you can see the switches they replaced which turn on the outside lights.
I love how they look lit up at night.
We have ticked so many things off of our ‘to do list’ and things have been rather chaotic, but it feels great to be productive and get things off of our minds.
Thursday the rain and bad weather continued. I had a locked neck and decided to use the voucher the kids gave me for a massage at The Protea Day Spa. It was hanging over me as a ‘thing to do’ because I was afraid I might forget about it. A Thai massage is such pleasure pain. The teeny tiny masseuse pushed places so hard and it was agony and just when I was about to scream, she released it and then stroked out the energy she has released. She climbed on the table to work on my back and then flipped me over and worked on my legs and hips and arms. When she was working on my hip I felt her touch my scar from my hip replacement so I just turned and muttered ‘Shark Attack’ over my shoulder. She just looked at me, confirming she did not speak English or maybe she did and she thought I was a madwoman. It could be either.
When I got home Norm told me that Poppy sat at the door to the garage and howled until he actually went to collect her and take her upstairs. She is never without me and has terrible separation anxiety.
It was bitterly cold that evening and Norm finally gave into winter and built a lovely fire. Poppy was fascinated by the noises it made and the flames.
On Friday I met with the Managing Director from my contract house for a coffee and a chat. We met at one of my fave coffee places in Hout Bay, The Pelican and it was rammed! MD said ‘doesn’t anyone in Hout Bay work?’ and I said nah they are all retired. We each had a toasty and shared some chips and chatted about our 17 year history together. I told him that was my personal best for most things in my life, I have only lived in one country that long, much less been with a single employer that long. I could probably make a lot more money somewhere else, but would probably have twice as much bullshit to deal with. He loves my quirky outspoken nature and not everyone ‘gets me’ and my bull in the china shop approach to life. I was his first employee and he interviewed me via Skype from the UK before I decided to come over but he had no work at that point so I took a job with another consulting house. MD reminded me of the time that we were at some cheap little B&B in Johannesburg strategising into the wee hours of the night on how best to present to the client in the hope of more work. We have come a long way. I reminded him that I was the first consultant at our current client and that I opened the door for another 11 consultants from our company, all on projects at the same time. However, it appears I do not have a contract from the end of the month unless I am willing to work on the client site in the CBD. So that is a NO. I know something will come up or I may end up needing to go and help my Mom for a bit, I told him a break in contracts would not upset me. We discussed whether I intend to retire or what my plans are. I told him I would love to if he will keep paying me, but he was not keen on that. I will probably cut my days at 65. I will have to see if we can manage.
When I got home I sat outside in the sun and played with Poppy for a bit.
Poppy was so happy to see us but I did not make a fuss just patted her and went about my business. We are starting to leave her at home with Finn for short periods to show her we do come back. So far so good.
Saturday was my monthly beauty appointment so I was up and out early. When I parked I was next to a little planted area and there was a butterfly and a bee flitting around. I went off and snapped a pic while everyone in the playground nearby looked at me like I was a bit nuts. I did not care, I loved the little butterfly and wanted to record that moment of infinitesimal joy. Noticing all of those infinitesimal moments and being grateful for them and letting them all pile up into happiness and gratitude for your life.
I lay on the table with a mask on, having a shoulder massage, listening to lovely music, after a morning lying in bed while my handsome husband brought me coffee. How could I not be so grateful for how blessed and easy my life is? I worked damned hard to get to this place of ease and I am not at all guilty about it, I am indeed thankful however. I remember the times when I had only the leftovers I took home after waitressing, when I really struggled to even have food to eat. I appreciate every bit of my comforts now.
After my facial I had made a plan to meet up with a friend for lunch. We met at The Deli Social which is in the same complex as Skin where I have my facials so it was a convenient choice. I had never been there but have heard good things about it.
The story I heard is that the owners met when working on yachts. He is Australian and she is a local SA girl. She still supplements their income with stew work and he is the chef. I could find nothing online to back this up so I really hope I got it all correct and these are not Lisa facts. I love that locals seem to be supporting it, the place was packed and it took quite a while to get served but I was in no hurry.
My friend had the Croissant Eggs Benny with two poached eggs, crispy bacon, Hollandaise, paprika & chives, served on a toasted croissant. I chose the Breakfast Bagel with free-range poached eggs, smoked streaky bacon, cheddar cheese, rocket, chilli jam, Hollandaise, chives & smoked paprika served on a toasted everything bagel from Kleinsky’s Deli. It usually comes with scrambled egg but they agreed to give me poached. Mine was absolutely gorgeous and my friend seemed to definitely enjoy hers. The hollandaise was perfection, creamy but not stodgy, a hint of lemon but not too much. Really remarkable. The bacon was crisp but you did not need a chain saw to consume it (I have dodgy teeth so these things matter). The chilli jam was a lovely balance. I may have found my favourite on my first attempt.
It was such a lovely day, then I came home to have a coffee in the garden with Norm. I have lots of gardening to do this weekend.
This week I have done a bit of rabbit holing. I found a very interesting article about autism based on the work of French Canadian psychiatrist, researcher and professor Laurent Mottron, who has been researching autism for 40 years and is offering a ‘radically new way to understand autism’.
Basically, Mottron does not think that autism is a “neurodevelopmental disorder. Instead, he proposes that autism represents an alternative developmental path, a bifurcation that occurs at a crucial moment in early development.” These are not aberrations, they are just natural variations in human development. Mottron compares autism with other asymmetrical bifurcations such as ‘left handedness, homosexuality, or breech birth’.
Based on the high number of autistics I know with gender dysphoria or who are somewhere on the LGBTQIA+ ‘spectrum’, I personally wonder about the potential occurrence of ‘bundles of asymmetrical bifurcations’? Maybe you can choose them as an accessory pack from wherever we earthlings are created, but the sense of ridiculousness about our reality is that the creators did not give us humans the handbook, so we are out here waving around our autism with no regard for who we bash with it or how to use it properly. We may be able to fly but have no idea where the button to launch is! Especially if blokes are in charge of finding it, we are doomed to a life of being grounded.
There are so many interesting points in the article / study. For example rocking or pacing “often emerge from informational voids” and for me this is very true. For me this represents an almost total shut down, I am very uncertain and really in need of information. Last time this happened was when Norm was away so I had to take Lola to the vet. I had to drive (I seldom drive), then I could not find a place to park and had to move my car and there were endless dramas. Waiting on news about Lola was terrifying and I was rocking and pacing and the receptionists kept apologising for the wait, thinking it was impatience that had me upset. I finally had to tell them I was autistic and it had nothing to do with them or delays or my cat even, it was all me and my anxiety, being out of my house when I seldom go out. They understood that as in the 20 years we have been going to this vet they had only seen me when they came to the house to put the animals to sleep. Then the receptionist said the infamous ‘huh, well you do not look autistic’ which I never know how to respond to. She meant it kindly which sort of makes the ableism worse, but never mind.
Mottron deconstructs the DSM-5 line by line, and Pascale breaks down each point. You can read more about it here in the article by the brilliant Pascale Larivierre. You can subscribe to their substack as I have.
Then I saw that there was another study that has identified 683 genetic variants linking a diverse array of ‘mental health conditions’, including autism spectrum disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, Tourette syndrome, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and anorexia nervosa. many of these conditions may share overlapping biological roots, rooted in disruptions to common neurodevelopmental pathways.
The advantage to this is potential commonality of treatment options. For example, someone with anxiety and autism might benefit more from something than someone with anorexia and OCD as a treatment plan.
This just validated my theory about the Bundle of Bifurcations. It would seem that based on our genetics we can get a Mambo Number 5 genetic mix (a little bit of this and a little bit of that). Which goes back to my washing machine theory except in the washing machine is my genetics as well as my disorders! Maybe one is conditioner? There are more letters in the mix now, you may notice I updated the image since I created it.
Why I choose an appliance as a metaphor is a mystery as I cannot work most of them (is it a metaphor? a simile?) obviously I cannot work appliances – or grammar apparently.
I think this also plays into the information about pruning which I have written about previously. One of the key processes that occur in developing brains is pruning which is the foundation of the brain developing more mature processes. As the brain develops, it prunes the connections between neurons at the synapses. By pruning the connectivity it doesn’t need, the brain becomes more efficient. This process does not occur with neurodivergent brains. Is this related to the other information? It is all just fascinating to me.
Next Sunday we have a birthday party to attend for a friend, then the following week Caitlin, Bree and I are off to George for Amelia’s 2nd birthday celebrations. It is Caitlin’s first flight with Bree. I am so excited to see Trevor, Lily, Josh and Amelia. Caitlin and Bree will stay with her father and Norm has booked me into the Protea Hotel. It is also in King George Park and is allegedly walking distance to Lily and Josh’s house. Well, we will see how my fat ass copes. Let’s just hope it is a nice hotel! If not I will give you all the tea don’t worry.
Have a lovely week. Until Next Time, Kisses from the Kitten x0x0x0x
Kitten in the City 