I mentioned last week that I have decided to just completely go with the flow and be open to what the universe brings me. Since then I have realised that one of the ways I help people is just by talking to them. I have so many people message me and tell me so many things about themselves, especially when they are struggling. I have had multiple people tell me that my words helped them at a time when they were desperate or had lost their will to carry on. There is really nothing more valuable to offer someone than a lifeline. I have spoken openly about my own mental health, my journey of discovery of my neuro-diversity, as well as my research into my ancestry.
I am a big proponent of exposing things to the light, shame is where we breed our deepest, darkest secrets. This is where issues such as addiction and other dysfunctions often enter our lives, where people are vulnerable to narcissists, love bombing and the other things that those who prey on the innocent specialise in. It is almost like the prey give off a scent that the hunter recognises. As someone who has been the prey many times I understand this cyclical dysfunctional relationship that often forms. I have been in multiple domestic abuse situations and am a survivor of child sexual abuse. I talk openly about this as none of these situations were my fault, I was in no way to blame for the things which were done to me. I did not invite any of these predators to take advantage of me. It is this understanding that allows us to heal and move past these things. It is not my shame to carry.
Every morning I tell my ancestors I am sorry for their pain and trauma, I also tell their victims that I am sorry for their pain and trauma. I am trying to heal these ancestral wounds.
I belong to so many groups where vulnerable women or the LGBTQI+ community post about their struggles and it can be heavy to read. Every day I am so thankful for my life. I have finally reached that point where I am comfortable in my skin, confident in my path and my place in the world.
I was watching the new series of Bridgerton and Colin said to Pen that he had been able to find ‘himself’ when he was traveling because he was set free from the constraints of other people’s opinions. That was how he found out who he was, what he liked, his opinions without the weight of other people’s expectations on who he was or what he should do.
I understood exactly what he meant. I wonder who I would be if I had stayed in my insular life in the south of the US. I am who I am because I was shaped by the touches of the travels, trials and tribulations I have experienced.
I’ve been told throughout my life that I am a healer. When young I just thought it was nonsense but as I have gotten older I see that this is part of me. It is The Knowing that I am finally starting to acknowledge. If I just know, just accept, just let it flow. To know that there is a relationship between thought and reality. Every thought is alive, and as soon as you think it a result occurs immediately. You generate your reality.
I ask my Ancestors to let me be a hollow bone, to let anyone who needs help to come to me and for Spirit to work through me. I finally realised this can take so many forms and shapes, depending on the situation. My work has mostly been with people who just need someone to listen to them, tell them that what they are going through is temporary or normal considering their situation. So many people do not want to hear the truth, whereas I struggle to say anything other than the truth.
It has been an interesting week. Norm left on Monday morning to go up north and only arrived home on Thursday night so I had to deal with Finn’s schedule of walks and play dates and Panda’s multiple medications.
This week we had a lot of rain and it was really cold and misty here.
In the evenings the dogs fought over who got to sit closest to me, then Finn would get hot and move and Panda would stretch out over the largest seat in the room.
I cooked a pot of vegetarian chili with carrots, beans, onions and a red pepper. That did me on Tuesday and Wednesday night. Thursday I had a vegan falafel wrap from The Pelican. It was gorgeous! I am trying to have meat free nights on occasion even though I am supposed to be upping my protein intake.
I always feel safe when I am here on my own with Finn looking after me and on Wednesday night we had gone upstairs to bed and I was already undressed when he started going insane. He was lunging around and growling at the window. I opened the curtain and could see a light bouncing around in my garden and I nearly pooped my non-existent pants. Eventually I could see that there was a security truck at one of the gates and I opened the window and shouted out to them. They had received an alarm activation notification when Finn had gone outside for his pre-bed wee and set it off but they had not rang me. I found out the next day that they rang Norm and he was asleep and did not answer. Either way, I was a bit baffled by the man with the torch. I shouted my name and the 1st letter of our password and they called in to verify it and were off. Once my adrenaline settled I got to sleep.
Before Norm left we took all of the baby items Lily had left over to Caitlin and Wes’ house for their upcoming baby. They have pretty much all of the major things they need now and they are going to paint the room next so that they can start to set up the nursery.
I wore my new green dress and the frog pin my Mom gave me. Isn’t it perfect for this dress?
Neither of us had eaten and so I suggested we go and grab a burger at Dario’s and then go for a wander around the Hout Bay market. I love their burgers and ordered the bacon and avocado burger. I had already ripped off the top and and had a bite of the lower half before I remembered to take a pic, so do not blame Dario’s staff. I remove the top part of the bun to reduce the carbs (and yes I had chips, do not apply logic to my thinking.)
Norm also loves their burgers and had a cheeseburger.
I took home a piece of their amazing lemon meringue pie, naughty sugar consumption but worth every bite.
Norm was flying the next morning and by the time we finished eating it was afternoon, so we decided to just go home instead of going to the market so that he could get organised for his trip.
I am happy enough being on my own, but by Thursday I was relieved Norm was coming home. I happened to look at my diary to see what I was doing on the weekend and saw that I was due at the dentist that day in just over 2 hours. I had expected an email to warn me, but I only had an SMS and I never look at those. As Norm was away I was panicked because I have to take something to relax me or I am a nightmare to deal with because of my anxiety. I could not drive after taking a tranquiliser so I tried to ring the dental office but I was out of credit on my mobile and we do not have a landline as I never ring anyone. I sent them a message on Facebook messenger and sent an email. I also sent a WhatsApp which was replied to and my appointment was cancelled. I felt terrible but I could not do it without medication.
I also had a mammogram appointment on Friday afternoon, but I can drive to that myself as I do not need sedating, despite the pain of the boob squashing machine. I had gotten dressed and was just about to leave the house when I got a phone call saying the machine was down and could they reschedule me to the next week.
The dogs were delighted to see Norm, as was I of course, I am just not as aggressive in my demonstration of affection (side eyes Finn).
Yesterday they came to finish the railing for the balcony which they had began the previous Monday. It looks amazing with the new windows. They have one more visit to complete to finish off the cementing of the railing and then it is all done!
As I was made up and dressed for my non-existent mammogram, Norm offered to take me for an early dinner. He walked Finn and we headed out to try our luck at Izakaya Kukai, the restaurant owned by sushi master Arata Koga. It was early so we got a small table no problem.
We decided to just order a few things to share and then each order one separate dish of our choice. We shared the Bang Bang prawns. The description scared Norm The Spice Avoider as it says it consists of ‘Prawns, avocado and jalapeno’ but if there is jalapeno it is subtle and not overpowering. The wrapping was so thin you could see through it, so crispy and light. The prawns taste as if he just caught them out the back of the shop (ok that sounds like a recipe for botulism rather than a commendation for freshness).
We shared the Gyoza pork and prawn dumplings. The flavours of these little babies was just indescribable, so I won’t try. They were just divine.
Norm also ordered the Tempura prawns just for himself because he had a bite of mine when I ordered them the last time we were here and he wanted them all to himself.
He also had a bowl of Chicken Teriyaki ramen with a miso broth. He is mastering the art of getting those noodles in his mouth using only chopsticks.
I had the same thing as last time, the Prawn Tempura Don. I asked for no nori (seaweed). It was very tasty and filled me up nicely.
The thing we love about this venue is that you get amazing quality food in very little time with no nonsense. We were home within the hour!
When I woke this morning Blue seemed to be struggling with his back leg. Finn had pounced on him while playing the day before so we wondered if he was injured. Norm has taken him to the vet and we are home waiting to hear the results of the x-ray. They had to sedate him as he was not being cooperative.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend ahead and stay safe and happy.
Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox
Kitten in the City 