In my last post I mentioned attending soul circle, but I did not tell you that several people told me that my energy is completely different than when I first attended a year ago. Apparently I was a ball of nervous energy then, I think someone called me a ‘bumblebee’ which makes me giggle. Someone said I looked 10 years younger now. It is not weight related as I am at my personal best (i.e. my heaviest, not my ‘best’ #Sarcasm) at the moment. That high octane energy was pure unfiltered Lisa. My energy has changed since I have connected with the earth and I am more in tune with myself and who I am. Also attending anything on my own (especially something with women and not a work thing) makes me incredibly anxious. I am now learning that being anxious makes me jitter. And that is OK. Sometimes I mask it, sometimes I let my ADHD freak flag fly high. I just try to let it not be annoying to others, so no clicking pens, tapping toes or other things that drive one insane.
I now accept me as me. I am trying hard to love myself. This is what is giving me the determination to show up for yoga on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, tonight being session 3. My doctor told me I must lower my blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol and wanted me to exercise. This is something I can do year round. I can add swimming if the weather ever stabilises. It was in the high 20℃s and really hot for several days but is now cold again.
I was able to sit on my hill and stretch and exercise and do a bit of meditation yesterday. I tried to ‘Ommm’ but it drove Finn insane. I stretched out my hips and back which were stiff from the yoga on Tuesday.
I watched the birds around me.
It then rained and turned cold again! Today is freezing cold and rather miserable and misty.
Yesterday Norm wanted me to choose my birthday present so that he could give it to me before I fly as I will be away on my actual birthday. I chose a necklace from Rock Chic. I adore the colours.
We then went for lunch at The Pelican in Hout Bay. Anton, one of our neighbours is now running it (or owns it?). We know him from when he was the previous manager at Massimo’s where we get take outs several times a week.
We knew that Finn was welcome there and we had him with us. There was only one table with any seats open so we sat there. There was an old labrador at the table next to us and a young ridgeback at the table next to them and Finn had a sniff, realised he was safe as were his humans and he settled in. Norm had a bag of biltong bits to keep hand feeding Finn to keep him lying down nicely.
The table was in the shade but it was also the smokers table so once the lab and his owners finished and left, we moved to that table.
Norm ordered a coffee and a cheese, tomato and ham omelette as he needed something he could eat with one hand since the other was holding onto the beasty.
I ordered a bottle of water and the Mexican salad which is all raw and vegan. I felt like putting healthy things in my body. It had lettuce, spinach, red onions, cucumbers, corn, beans, tomatoes and a huge dollop of fresh guacamole on top as well as some other things I probably forgot. I did however also have a ‘tiny’ portion of fries. Baby steps people, baby steps.
We only stayed long enough to eat then I went back to log on for work, and Norm had an errand to run. When he got home he gave me 2 lanterns for my birthday to put in the garden. I will share a pic when we put them out.
This week I had a big realisation. Norm has always pressed me to write a book but I had so many secrets and so many things that my family said ‘we must not discuss’ that I could not consider it. But now that I have decided to remove the shame and the shadows from my life, the book can be written. I think a book would be healing.
One other thing that popped up for me was the memory of the cop who arrested me in the story told in last week’s post. He did actually cuff me and put me in the car to drive into the station while they conducted a search of my house. He put me into the cell with some very interesting characters. My prison name was the ‘the dagga smoking white woman’. I became quite notorious despite only being there a few hours.
Meanwhile, the arresting officers had finished searching the entire house and the main cop came to release me and he then took me into his office. I think he had put me in with some rather scary looking characters to frighten me. If only they knew that after what I had survived, the other occupants did not frighten me, but my ex-husband terrified me. I explained what was going on and my ex-husband’s motivation and that it was a custody issue. The officer was horrified that they had been duped into this drama as it was not about crime, it was all about control and manipulating the truth.
After I was bailed out and went home, I noticed a motorcycle kept driving by. Sometimes the driver would stop and sit and stare at my house. It creeped me TF out but I was fed up being frightened so one day I strode purposefully to the gate and asked him what he was doing. He sheepishly removed his helmet, and in a Scooby Doo reveal sort of way, to my complete surprise, it was Mr Policeman. He said he was keeping an eye on me because of what I told him about being in danger from my ex. For example, our windows of our house were not at all safe or secure and I would wake to my ex standing over me watching me sleep. This sounded somewhat legit that I was his pet project if a bit worrying but I was not sure what to do. I gave him benefit of the doubt and stopped being freaked about his presence until one night he knocked at my door. I opened the door to find him absolutely off his face. He then made a pass at me. I punched him, shoved him away, told him if I ever saw him again I would report him and slammed the door.
It can be a real struggle being a woman. The ones who are supposed to look after you are quite often the ones who damage us the most.
Anyway, that is another thorn extracted and nullified.
I joined yet another group of women this week, a friend created a group who are going to meet to go for High Teas while wearing fabulous hats. I am really keen on it. The group of women at yoga are all lovely too. My weekends are so full now, yet another thing I manifested by asking the universe to send me women friends. I just feel so blessed.
Tonight I went to yoga from 5.15pm to 6.15pm, then at 7pm had a zoom call with my shaman group. Norm brought me a pizza to devour during the session. Tomorrow I fly to George for my birthday weekend. I want that post to be all about my birthday and my family so I am posting this early. You get a two-for deal this week. Try to contain your excitement.
Until then, much love to you. Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox
Kitten in the City 