This week has been a bit eventful, but for a home bird like me I guess the bar is pretty low. Norm was away all week so I was coping on my own. I delayed last week’s post until we arrived back on Sunday afternoon from our road trip and then Norm flew to Cambodia very early on Monday morning. It was pouring with rain most of Monday, but Finn still went to doggy day care as he needs the exercise or he is unbearable. I had a friend coming over for dinner and I wanted him to be chilled. He came home and left a giant ‘puddle’ of sand where he was sleeping but the key word in that sentence is that he was sleeping.
Unfortunately I could not sleep that night as I was anxious about the following day’s activities of a) seeing a psychiatrist, b) driving to a place I had never been and c) the anticipated direness of the health assessment results. I always do disaster management in my head before I do anything new. I went through every possible scenario: I could get lost (the answer is to map it out before hand and to leave the house early). The psychiatrist could validate all of the opinions of others I have had thrust upon me throughout my life. The psychiatrist could deem me in need of intensive therapy and medication. The health assessment could say I was beyond help and may as well buy a plot for my final days. Then I had a moment of ‘what is REALLY the worst outcome from either of these situations?’ I will not die, they cannot actually hurt me, they are there to HELP me. That reality check allowed me to finally drift off to sleep.
I had an appointment with the Neurodiversity Psychiatrist at 9am. It was over video link so I did not have to leave home but I did make the effort to put on proper clothes and comb my hair so she did not get alarmed at how desperately in need of help I would have appeared to be normally at that time of morning.
An hour is not very long to do intros, take a history and discuss why I had made the appointment. But luckily she had me fill in a long form beforehand to prep her somewhat. Basically I went on the recommendation of my Neurodiversity therapist because the therapist is not qualified to adjust my meds and we wanted to discuss my options. I assume the therapist also sent her notes to the psychiatrist but that is purely in my head, I have no validation. She asked me a variety of questions and I chatted to her about all sorts of things. She mentioned my energy was very positive, but asked did I have issues with making friends? I told her I definitely did and confirmed I am aware I have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. I also told her that I have several groups of women that I interact with at least twice a month, so I get enough female contact. My love language is sending TikTok & IG links and memes, some people do not get that and find me annoying. To me it means I thought of you and wanted to share a laugh with you. I never ask people questions as I do not want people asking me questions. I assume if someone wants to tell me something, they will tell me, but maybe that is just how I am as I am forthright if I want to discuss something I just throw it out there!
The psychiatrist is very happy with me as she says I do not appear anxious or struggling, in fact I appear to be thriving in my current state. I confirmed I am, I am happier and more self accepting than I have ever been. I told her I have done a lot of work on myself. After being told I was ‘crazy’ for a large part of my life, this brief conversation and her opinion has given me such a sense of relief and validation. The last time I saw a Psychiatrist they wanted to have me committed.
After this appointment the power went off which is not so unusual here, except when I checked the app it said it was not supposed to be load shedding until 12pm to 2pm and it was only 11am. I checked the actual meter to see if I had ran out of electricity but the meter was blank. I then messaged a neighbour who said the whole street was out. Meanwhile I had already bought a voucher for the meter and when I had logged onto the banking app I realised I needed to top up the data on my phone before I went out of the house in case I got lost and also so I could use my GPS or WhatsApp if needed. The Universe has interesting ways to make us do things we need to do but may forget.
I was determined not to panic about being able to get my car out of the garage as the garage door battery was not working and without electricity you had to open it manually. I am sure some of you have a manual garage door and think me a right eejit but I vastly overcomplicate things and I created a complete crisis in my head. I decided to pretend it was not happening and just trust that all would be fine.
The power came back on half an hour before I needed to leave. I then worked for the rest of the day until late afternoon when I had to make my way to Loren. I used my GPS and went right there. I was so early I parked off in a shopping place until time to go and I still arrived early!
Loren starts with Body Impedance Analysis (BIA) which is used for determining my body composition. I was still 5’7″ (170.18cm) which surprised me as I thought I had shrunk more than that. At my peak I was about 5’8″. I am about the weight I thought (i.e. fat). My BMI is a bit obscene.
Loren then attached these devices to my hands and ankles. She told me that they were pulsing electric current through these devices to measure the flow through my arms and legs and that I would not feel a thing. As she said that I shrieked because I felt a little pulsed shock type feeling in my ankle. Then I could feel it coursing all through my body, but I can also hear electricity and feel it if we pass through an area which has some sort of current pulsing, for example if I walk between 2 electricity pylons or whatever you call those big things. Loren said that usually no one can feel it and that I must be incredibly sensitive to energy. Yes mam I am indeed.
She then had me sit in a chair in a relaxed state in front of the KARNAK scanner for about 5 minutes. You can see, hear or feel nothing at all (even Lil Miss Sensitivity felt nothing). The KARNAK scan is an electromagnetic device that records the messages sent from the brain to each organ in the body. This enables Loren to determine how healthy each organ is. She likened it to the brain being a conductor and the organs in the body being the instruments and that this system would tell her which instruments are not playing at their optimal ability.
Then we did a live blood analysis where Loren pricked my finger to get a few droplets to pop on a slide and examine under the microscope. Live blood analysis, also known as Nutritional microscopy or Darkfield microscopy, is fundamentally the analysis of living blood under a powerful microscope, connected to a camera. We could then watch the little cells doing what they do. It was fascinating. Mine were not necessarily doing what they should do. Below is an image to show you ‘not so good’ (the left image) and good (on right).
I also have leaky gut syndrome which was evident on the live blood analysis and other tests so I need to do multiple things to help with resolving this.
Then we sat together by the PC screen and viewed the results of all of the tests that she had done combined into various graphical representations. Any doubts I had about the ‘science’ behind the technology disappeared when we saw this info. As a data geek I was enthralled and mesmerised. The results of the KARNAK scan presents in one view as a bar graph where each organ in your body corresponds to one of the bars. If your bar is above the line you are firing on all cylinders in that area. If your bar is below the line, you have some issues in that area. All of the areas and issues she read from the graph were all relevant to my impaired body functions (or disfunction in this instance).
There were multiple views of various bits of information and Loren can read these lines almost like a fortune teller. She said to me that as a child I felt unseen and unheard and felt that I needed to shrink and not be seen. She said I did not feel protected as a child and this is very true.
She then asked about the next block and said that period of my life I also felt like I needed to shrink but she felt that was to cater to an insecure man who felt like he needed to ‘reduce me’ because I was too much for him. It made me think of this quote.
Norman would chop down a forest for me.
At this point I burst into tears. She told me I am still tethered to this man and that I need to do a cord cutting ritual, including recording on a voice note what he did to me. Not the physical damage from the punches, the strangulations, or the guns he held against my head, but what these actions did within me to my heart and my soul. I have never told him what he did to me or how I felt as obviously he did it, he knows. Telling him via a voicemail which I will not send, that he almost broke me, that he destroyed what little confidence I had, that he minimised me, that he permanently damaged my body from the trauma. That he destroyed my chance to properly parent my own children. The ‘firsts’ that I missed with my children. The time I missed. The things they missed not having more time with their mother.
There are somatic memories in my body of what happened, the shoulder which was so badly damaged when pulled out of socket came up as still blocked to Loren, I do struggle to move that arm above my head. My heart appears physically healthy but she could see the bruises still.
Loren said that she can see a lot of congestion around my throat / thyroid / thymus area. She thinks this is related to my first marriage and the need to keep quiet to keep the peace. So it is a bit ironic that I talk so much but am obviously not saying the things I need to say.
I must then cut the cords that still bind us, I have my Selenite cord cutting crystal which I will use. The next day I should listen to the voice recording and then delete it. I will do a ceremony this weekend.
Regarding my heart, she says I have a slight heart murmur and she thinks I have a ‘floppy valve’ which is not surprising as I have multiple family members with that same issue and she said it may be genetic. She said that there is no issue as long as it is not causing any problems.
Loren then said that the next ‘block’ of my life was showing as a healing phase. She said that I was showing as working very hard on self healing. She said that I was given a Gift in the form of my husband now. He is a gift and I often say that my Ancestors felt they owed me one after the first go around!
There are several supplements she has given me. Fish oil which I have to shoot like a nasty tequila. Some additional probiotics and something else I have forgotten the need for but must take twice a day.
She asked me to stop taking the Apple Cider Vinegar supplements as my acidity levels are incredibly high. She says to rather pause until my acidity levels are down a wee bit.
I am to do Belly Breathing – she said at every red light (I forgot to tell her I do not drive) or every time I see red (all my furniture is red so guess that evens out the lack of red lights).
The changes she has asked for are many but most of them are diet / eating routine related. I am to follow an Anti-inflammatory menu plan and eat only within a 12 hour window of 7am to 7pm. I am to stop my version of ‘intermittent fasting’ which I implement by not eating all day but then snacking all night. She says I am insulin resistant and must never do intermittent fasting. I must eat within 30 minutes of waking. I must have 5 small meals a day and avoid carbohydrates and gluten or at least limit them. The key is to reduce the sugar. I also have to drink more water (I do not know how that is possible, I drink so much water already?).
These are not large meals, sometimes it is just a handful of nuts. But I must avoid peanuts and peanut butter. I usually eat peanut butter daily. I can have tree nuts, walnuts are great and are also brain food. I must avoid fatty dairy. I can have white cheeses such as cottage cheese (I hate that nasty stuff so that shall not be happening), goat’s cheese, halloumi, feta, etc. I must eat more protein, this can be in various forms. Luckily I just ordered some beans of a few varieties and mince to make chili con carne and I cooked a big pot on Wednesday as Vanessa came to do a pedicure after work and then I had dinner ready when she left. I know it is probably not 100% what she had in mind, but I was not throwing away the week’s worth of groceries I had just had delivered.
There were some positive findings. My bones are in great shape and very dense. With a family history of osteoporosis I am thrilled that my calcium supplements have paid off. I can officially say……
Loren told me I must be conscious of protecting my energy. She told me about how ‘open’ my energy is and how strong, that people would see that and try to either tap into it to enrich their own, or to just try to take mine down. I have started to be better at identifying these people and I just cut them out of my life or at least reduce the contact with them. Loren gave me some tips to help me recognise them as well. Most importantly she said I must make sure I get enough rest where I do absolutely nothing to recharge my energy to avoid it being depleted. She asked if that happens and I told her that it does but usually I push on. She said I must get comfortable with the word ‘No’. I must put my body’s needs before other people’s expectations.
She also said that my energy is very maternal and that I attract people in need of protection or care. I mentioned this recently that I was surprised by several people telling me in our Soul Circle that I was very maternal.
All in all, I loved the appointment! I feel like the info she gave me is very beneficial and if I follow the eating plan she gave me I know I will lose weight. I am going to give it a go as I want to be healthy enough to chase my grandbabies! I will go back once a month to track my progress and measure my various bits and bobs.
Wednesday Vanessa came to do a pedicure and it was peaceful as Finn was still out with doggy day care. I had my dinner and did not have any binges on nonsense like I often do when feeling a bit stressed.
Thursday I thought I had the dog groomer coming but I also had Finn booked with doggy day care so I needed to play doggy secretary and arrange his social calendar appropriately. The groomer would not answer their WhatsApp calls or messages or my emails. My ADHD had me chomping at the bit with frustration! Eventually she voice mailed me and very patiently explained she is coming next week as per my invoice.
I apologised profusely for my mistake and behaviour. I felt dreadful.
In the middle of the night on Thursday I was woken by Panda coughing so I popped him onto the floor so he could trot off into the bathroom for a drink of water. I decided since I was awake I needed to pee and got up and went to the bathroom and came back to bed. After I got back in bed I thought I saw something on the floor so I put on my lamp and was greeted with a horrific $hit$how stretching from the rug towards Finn’s bed.
However Finn was snoozing innocently in his own bed but he had definitely been spooning me at some point in the night cos his heavy head on top of mine always wakes me. It looked like he had been trying to poop through the eye of a needle, it was everywhere. I have had this carpet since the early 80s (nothing rude, it is classic, red, expensive, a gift and I love it).
I tried to fall back to sleep and deal with it in the morning once it was daylight but I could not go back to sleep. Once my brain is turned on it does not turn off easily. Cleaning it took an entire roll of paper towels and a load of various disinfectants and sprays and all types of things to get it all up. It took ages and I am majorly OCD, this stuff is usually in Norm’s area of responsibility. The carpet will need to be steam cleaned. Life goes on, it is all part of having little beasties.
Shortly after, Finn needed to go outside again and was frantically busy going again in the garden. I had noticed him barfing the previous afternoon so I hope it is just a temporary virus. I cancelled his day care and let him just sleep yesterday. He was not his usual happy smiling self. I think the cooler weather helped him.
It got sunny in the afternoon and our beautiful mountain lit up.
At least we got a bit of rain for the garden and Finn seemed extra tired but not as mopey.
I woke this morning to another sea of poop from Finn, this time in Lily’s old room. I popped down to the vet this morning and got some of the meds he takes when he has a flare up (it is something he has had since a pup at the breeder and it recurs on occasion) but he is refusing to take it.
My Mom has been unwell for weeks now and I was worried she was going to get dehydrated and fall or something. I finally talked her into going to see a doctor and my cousin and his wife took her to the Emergency Room. She has pneumonia! At 82 when you have such dreadful lungs as she does, the last thing you want is pneumonia. It is very risky. Please pray for her complete recovery. Her neighbour has been looking after her thank goodness. When you are ill and have mobility issues you just do not drink enough fluids or eat anything as you do not feel like getting up to prepare anything and you have no appetite.
Ending with some good news, my gorgeous little pumpkin has turned 8 months old. It is hard for me to believe!
I will see her again in a few weeks which is brilliant. I want to keep our relationship in her memory by seeing her as often as I can.
I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend. Tomorrow is the Cape Town Cycle Tour so our little village will be chaos and the roads will be closed for the street race. Luckily I have plenty of food in the house and I am more than happy at home, it has warmed up and is lovely today.
Enjoy your weekend and week ahead. Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten x0x0x0xx0
Kitten in the City 
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