I have a few odd ‘things’ when it comes to ‘performers’. I do not watch magicians. I find them unimpressive. I am not a fan of comedians as most of them mistake cruelty for comedy. The only exception is the comedy which is based on truth. Anything that makes me nod along and relate to, I find funny.
I mentioned last week that I was loving the show “Alma’s not Normal” and that it was hilarious. While it is based in the UK and is therefore not reminiscent of my family, some of it is incredibly familiar in other ways. There was a scene with Alma’s mother Lin where she has to go in front of a panel of mental health professionals.
Lin is played by Siobhan Finneran and for some reason her performance does not sit well with me, she over acts with constant grimaces and facial contortions to represent her mental illness. It almost feels a bit ableist for some reason I cannot put my finger on.
I had such a strong reminder of my own trauma from that scene. I had a breakdown after my divorce about 30 years ago and my friend Cathi convinced me to leave my little cabin in Knysna and come to the big city of Johannesburg to live with her. When I got there she made appointments for me to go to Tara Psychiatric Hospital for free psychiatric treatment. I still have no idea how she swung that other than it was a government hospital and she must have told them I was suicidal. I did not tell Cathi how I felt but she obviously could tell that I just did not care if I died.
Cathi drove me to the hospital for an hourly appointment each week. After I had been seeing the psychiatrist for about a month, I arrived to an entire room full of men and women in white coats, much like the panel of people judging Alma’s mom, Lin. The difference was that Lin was committed for arson as she burned down her council flat. She was a drug addict as well as an arsonist. She was being judged as to whether she could be released on the unsuspecting public.
With me, they had deemed that I was a danger to myself. They tried to persuade me to commit myself, they felt that I was too dangerous out on my own. This felt like someone threw cold water on me and woke me up from my pity party. I realise what was at risk and while I had thought that losing custody was the worst, I quickly realised that being committed to a government hospital in another country could be pretty scary. I told them that I had tickets to see the Rolling Stones the next night with some friends and I was not going to stay overnight, thank you very much, and I never went back. It was almost like I had been half asleep and barely functioning and the risk of me being locked up knocked me awake.
However, there but for the grace of my creator am I free to live my life the way I see fit. It could have gone a completely different direction.
How many women are locked up because of the horrific things they have survived? Or because of self-medicating due to their trauma? Or how many could just be neurodiverse and undiagnosed or misdiagnosed as bipolar, medicated for the wrong illness and then spinning out as a result? Because women are naturally deemed to be ‘hysterical’ then any escalation of normal emotions can be not suitable for public consumption.
I’ve written before about the shameful history of lobotomies being conducted on women in the 1940s. One of the most well known was Rosemary Kennedy whose father Joseph Kennedy unilaterally authorised American neurologist Walter Jackson Freeman II and neurosurgeon James W. Watts to perform the procedure in 1941 when she was only 23.
Rosemary had been deprived of oxygen during her birth and as a result had various health issues. Rosemary was sent away to an institution and hidden from her own family as a child. Rosemary was not even visited by her own mother for 20 years after the procedure. She was supposedly sent away to be ‘educated’ and when she became old enough to get up to mischief, she would sneak out of the convent school at night. Her father had been concerned that her behaviour would bring shame to his politically ambitious sons. The operation was not ‘successful’. She required care for the rest of her life and could no longer walk or talk after the procedure. But then maybe that is what Joseph wanted so that she could be completely controlled?
This story sickens me every time I read it.
While we should all look back in revulsion at the ways that mentally ill people have historically been treated, there is a great deal of trepidation about how the next administration will treat the mentally ill. Trump called for the return of “mental institutions” as part of his plan “to get the homeless off our streets”. He said “When I am back in the White House, we will use every tool, lever, and authority to get the homeless off our streets.” He continued: “And for those who are severely mentally ill and deeply disturbed, we will bring them back to mental institutions, where they belong… with the goal of reintegrating them back into society once they are well enough to manage.”
There is a risk that the old school mental institutions bring in cruelty and mistreatment to patients. That forced sterilisations and lobotomies may come back into favour as means to manage women who become ‘uncontrollable’.
But we have to just watch and let the future unfold, as frustrating as it is when the moron puts the most toxic people into key cabinet posts and makes the USA an international joke.
But let us hope those conservatives save 10 cents on their eggs.
Last Sunday was so hot and I fancied sushi. Norm popped out to get himself a steak and sushi for me. I have gone off of red meat and a lot of other meats lately. It was so fresh and tasty and really hit the spot.
On Monday after work I had a lovely walk with Caitlin and Bree, Norm and Finn. Norm and I had initially planned to take Bree on a walk so Caitlin could rest but she decided it was better for her to get outside and be active so Norm and Finn bolted off and the girls casually strolled behind. Towards the end of the walk Bree had gotten a bit niggly and Caitlin had put her in the carrier and when we got back to the house Bree was sound asleep so we decided to let her sleep and we headed home.
That night when I went to bed I took a Phenergan (an anti-histamine I take to make me drowsy) and I slept like the dead and only woke at 7am. That never happens.
The following morning Norm was off to Qatar. This time he was not spoiled with business class, he was in the cattle class but he is pretty good about being able to sleep anytime or anywhere.
I ordered a grocery delivery to the house and I had spotted that ribs were on special. I had been craving ribs for ages but none of the restaurants in the bay serve them the way I like them, charred with the sauce not being so saucy. I tried doing them myself and they were pretty good, but still saucy.
I had forgotten that I was wearing my new white T-shirt and I ended up making a mess of it.
Good-bye new shirt, that single wear I got out of you was fabulous. This is why I do not have any white shirts. Well, I have them but they are stained.
Finn has been going to doggy day care each day and he is exhausted when he comes home. That is so helpful because managing him when he is rambunctious can be a nightmare.
Lola’s lab results came back and she is now on new meds. She has continued on her meds all week and with Norm away I have to manage on my own. She is easier to give the liquid as it is in a syringe and once her mouth opens it shoots in easily. The pills are the hardest and she bit me really badly. Luckily those finished last night. Norm will take her to the vet to get checked again once he is back.
I always say that I have a drama when Norm is away and this time was no exception. I had a call from my consulting house HR manager to tell me that the client has not renewed my contract. That means I roll off on 1st of December. Basically I have one week left.
The irony is that I had asked the universe to manifest a way for me to have more time with my grandbabies and maybe this is a misfire in that direction. Oops. I will keep focusing on what I want and let the universe bring it to me. I just have to add in that I do not want to lose my salary in exchange for the free time!
This week the swimming towels I ordered for my granddaughters arrived. I will keep them here at my house. I loved having things with my name on them as a child, I hope the girls do too! I cannot wait until they are both here together and both old enough to swim with us.
The weather has been all over the place. We have had a lot of wind, a bit of rain, mist and some sun. There was a hard rain and lots of rumbling thunder one evening. Sometimes all in a 24 hour period.
I put out some fruits for the birds and squirrels. It was all gone the following morning.
Last night I had finally calmed down from my news about my client and I just sat outside on the porch watching the light fade and my lanterns come on.
I am counting my blessings to balance out my anxiety. I am so blessed. I am so happy with my life. I just have to keep focusing on those blessings and the rest will work out as it should.
Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxoxox
Kitten in the City 