Women often say that they hear the voice of their Mother emerging when they become parents. The other night I heard the voice of my previous abuser emerging when I got annoyed with Norman. Norm did something that annoyed me and I shouted ‘but you know it annoys me so why are we discussing it, just don’t bloody do it’. My anger erupted in a microsecond and the words were out before I could even absorb what I was saying. Blaming HIM for MY lack of anger management.
It is a known psychological phenomenon that the abused can become the abuser. This is in the instances of both mental and physical abuse (whether sexual or domestic violence). The previously abused have a feeling of lack of control or self worth left over from the instances when we were the victim. I know that my natural reaction is defense, I can attack at the least provocation. Hopefully being aware of the behaviour is the first step towards healing. Luckily Norm knows that most of my reactions are based on my past experiences, not his actions. He is a very evolved man. I am trying. (Not to be a man obviously, just to be more conscious and less reactive.)
Maybe my newly found awareness is all part of the interactions I have had recently with other women who have suffered abuse. Maybe this is all related to my own healing as well as the support of other women and their own issues with abuse.
Maybe it is bigger than me…….or the other women.
There has been a bit of good news this week as the Constitutional Court has confirmed that Advocate Shaun Abrahams’ appointment as the head of the National Prosecuting Authority (NPA) is constitutionally invalid and has ordered him to step down.
Judge Mbuyiseli Madlanga found that the manner in which former prosecutions boss Mxolisi Nxasana vacated office was invalid and therefore it had a knock-on effect on Abrahams’ appointment. Madlanga found that former President Jacob Zuma was bent on removing Nxasana at all costs and effectively bought him out with a R17 million settlement.
The judge found that this compromised the independence of the office of the National Director of Public Prosecutions, which rendered his vacation of office invalid. The Constitutional Court has ordered President Cyril Ramaphosa to appoint a new National Director of Public Prosecutions within 90 days. The court further ordered Nxasana to repay the R10 million he has already received as part of his settlement.
Sean Abrahams was the lapdog of the corrupt disgraced ex-president Zuma and I am so happy to see the back of him. I only hope that the R10 million is returned to the people and the deep levels of government corruption will be dealt with once and for all.
There was a meeting held last week at the Hout Bay Public Library where Zak Mbhele, the DA spokesperson on policing gave us some rather frightening news. I use the term ‘news’ but it was just confirmation of what most of us already suspected. ‘Mr Mbhele said there were good police officers in the force, but they were “islands of excellence in a sea of dysfunction”.
“The police are not well managed, and they are severely under-resourced and understaffed,” Mr Mbhele said. “The ugly part of it is that things won’t get better for a while, and the truth is that our communities are very much on their own.
“The Metro police are doing great work, but they have limited policing powers. For one, they don’t have investigating powers. The is a huge mountain of crime, but the channelling of crimes through the criminal justice system is not happening.”
Hout Bay, he said, faced four major crimes: taxi violence, crime stemming from protests, house robbery and burglary, and muggings and common assault.
“Crime intelligence in SAPS has become a shambles. Crime intelligence, for example, used to run the witness protection programme, but it was later found that (former Crime Intelligence head) Richard Mdluli and his friends were using witness protection houses for parties and braais (aka BBQs). When you have a situation like this, no one will come forward to assist police in their investigations.” The situation was exacerbated by a shrinking SAPS, and budgets being slashed across all departments.’
The protests in Hout Bay continued on Monday and as I came into the bay from work I could see the smoke from the fires being set by the protesters.
There is still debate about whether the poacher Durick van Blerk was shot during the anti-poaching operation or whether he jumped into the water to evade arrest by Water Wing, the anti-poaching team.
The police spent days searching for the body of Durick van Blerk but did not find him.
One point was clarified about the search and the protest, the protesters were unhappy that the 2 poachers who were arrested were not released so that they could help search for the body as they knew where the incident occurred. Other rumours from various residents in the harbour are that van Blerk managed to evade the police and he is hiding out until the dust clears. I actually hope that rumour is true as he is about to become a father soon and it makes me sad to think that child could grow up without a dad.
The residents are not disputing that the men on the boat were poachers, they were caught with lobsters in their boat.
Fishing is a dying industry as we humans decimate the bounty of the seas, the community would be better served with the city redeveloping the harbour area and putting in shops, restaurants and other tourist draws similar to the V&A Waterfront. The construction would result in employment and once it is complete there would be jobs available in the new shops, restaurants and other new venues as well as jobs in security and the operational running of the premises.
This development would draw tourists and bring in revenue to the Bay while the protesting just results in loss of revenue and destruction. One trader lost almost 500 pieces of stunning hand made silver jewelry.
These are the scenes of the devastation done by looters during the protest. Opportunists who jump on the bandwagon of destruction.
The long reaching results of this protest could impact the decision of future tourists when they are choosing what suburb to stay in and if they do decide on Hout Bay, it may then impact on their choice of accommodation, if they google Hout Bay they will see all of the bad press and run for the hills. Or to Camps Bay if they can afford it. They certainly may be hesitant to book anywhere near the harbour.
Compounding the issue of decimation of the fish by pollution and corporate over-fishing, the South African government has created fishing quotas which mean that the fishermen whose families have fished for generations cannot support themselves off of the profits they make. In some cases the quotas were halved. Once again, the government has cared more about filling their own pockets than about making the lives of their residents easier.
Norm as always has made my life easier this week. He cooked for us this week and he ventured out of his routines to try a stir fry. He also wilted some baby spinach, so I added a bed of spinach to my bowl and then topped it with the stir fry.
It was really yummy as well as being low carb and nutritious.
I did not get much sleep last night however as the owners of the guest house next door were playing horrendous music and shouting at each other until well after midnight. I wanted to go and have a chat but Norm talked me out of it.
I worked from home yesterday and for dinner we are having the chili con carne he made for us the day before.
Norm was a bit of a ninja superstar on Tuesday in fact. He had both Mzudumo and Cordelia there working so had to manage them, he had people knocking the door all day to drop off forms for the proposed SRA, he took all 3 pups to the groomer, the doggy physio came to see Navajo, he painted the garage door, cooked that night’s stir fry and the next night’s chili as well as all of the normal daily chores.
I do not know how I could cope without him or how single mothers do it every day.
Until next time, Kisses from the Kitten xoxoxo